It's a simple little machine, not of paper and ink as in the old Astounding promo blurb that this one parodies, but one just a leettle more complicated and a lot more colorful.
It's a virtual one, of course -- not like the real ones you can buy at Grfkl the Arcturan's Genuine Temporal Warp Shack3 -- but one that will make you wonder where the time went.
And if you think, "Heck, I could do better!" well, then, go for it. That's what we're all about: one person's junk is another person's treasure. And in all the debris of failed or rejected attempts, in pieces that are semi-serious or simply light-hearted, you're bound to discover buried treasure: topics, plots, styles, characters, settings... you name it.
Take your pick, and then go win a Hugo or Nebula or something. And when you're being garlanded for your success and asked where you got your ideas (Astounding? Amazing? Fantastic?) You can cough with embarrassment and 'fess up with a mumble: "I got 'em from Bewildering Stories." Don't worry, your reputation will be safe. Everybody will think you're kidding.
1 Okay, then, several. At the price we're charging, we do not feel bound by the Truth in Advertising act. Return with haste2 "Worth what it cost ya." Return with haste
3 Check their monthly flier for sales and specials. Return with haste
Dear friends who read this book,
Shun affectation and pretense;
And, as you visit, just take a look:
You'll find no harm and no offense.
True, it contains much to criticize
Unless you laugh, I'm sure you'll find;
But that is best, as I now realize,
Since ills beset us time out of mind.
Better, then, to write of laughter as we can:
Laughter is what's natural to man.
Copyright © 2002 by The Conceptual Director and Bewildering Stories.