As the thirty-seventh member of a long line of people named "Polyethylene Polymer Avenger-Scientist," I have formulated my own theory of time, a family tradition.

Well, the true nature of time is that time is incomprehensible. I can't tell you anything more than that because it's confidential. It's locked up in the Avenger-Scientist Family Vault, and even I don't have access to it. In fact, no one does. What goes in stays in.

So there. That's the true nature of time. I hope my family (being the Avenger-Scientists they are) don't get mad at me. I am getting paid for this, right?

[No. —Ye Gentle Editorial Triumvirate]