Bewildering Stories

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The Zebras of Nithor

Paul Kelvyne

In the twenty-seventh year after the Nithorian Revolution, the Nithorian communicationing using those darn funky-looking pictures done went all extinct, four legs in the air, but the old Nithorian religion's voodoomagicking practitioningers were who wroted it most, and it done gone and ended. Just like that. I knew it would be happening sometime, I be done having told you so. Yo mama was a big fat zebra. No more.

It's true, you know. Don't believe me? You will.

Will it be in those days the voodoomagicking practitioners were turned against on somehow by the zebras they're. The truth was known by them all, it was known by them, they knew what was going on, knew they all, we too, we do, me and you, us two, how to. The voodoomagicking peeple was killed, and the government was overthrowed. Just like that. Was horrible!

Afterwards, went see zebras their. I was done gone let in there group. Called all sorts of names. Shut up, you don't think I'm telling the truth?

I done gone and ran me out o' toilet paper. Better go catch it.

Be right back.

Ah, that be better. So anyways, there I was talking me to the zebras. But they wouldn't listen me, no way they wouldn't. They wouldn't never shut up. Also talking about other stuff and calling me names all the time. Stupid.

So when the meeting gone and done ended itself, I was kicked out by them. I was thrown out. Done been kicked out. Just like that. Understand?

No way you dont your stupid.

I done be gone an appointment next hour.

I done gone just throwed me this up and it came around and went wham, hurts.

So anyways, one of the zebras done gone and was killed by itself, done went dead just like that, went gone and left a mark in the closet, all dead, rest in peace, in pieces. Have pizza?

Got milk.

Yo mama done gone and got none stupid.

I says, let me go stupid let me go. They says no way. I says you stupid. They says no you stupid. I says you stupid, stupid. Stupid!

They says, you don't got no brains stupid.

So I was done gone and let go and they done kicked me in the butt. I says hey! They says no way stupid. So the door done gone was shut by them, loud-like. And I was, like, all alone, you know?

So I bangs on the door and they done gone and says shut up go away stupid. So I be like what done be going on? Me stupid? No way!

So I throwed myself on the door and it done gone and fell in. The zebras look at me says hey stupid what you doing here? And one them was yo mama says who be you stupid. I says no way they says what you be talking about stupid I says no way shut up loser you stupid they says no we no stupid you stupid stupid loser go away but I no take that for an answer I says shut up they says shut up go away I no go away I done gone busted me the door in I no go away I says stupid go away go away stupid they says they no stupid me stupid I says shut up they says why no you done gone go away shut up stupid I says I no want be done gone away stupid you stupid they says shut up so I does.

And future generations wood done gone knowed them as Adam and Eve.

Copyright 2002 by Paul Kelvyne.