Paul walked in a daze, he was tired, so tired. He barely noticed the rain as it fell steadily throughout the park. Barely felt the water hitting his bald head, sliding down his neck and soaking through his thin sweater. All his life, he had worked toward the next... all his life, toiling and sweating, doing someone else’s work. Doing the work that he had lived his life for.
Was it worth it? He found himself wondering. Was all of that work worth it? There was nothing to show for it, there were none of the signs that he was sure would have shown themselves by now. None of the power and the glory that he was sure would come, or had been sure...
None of it. Not a single drop of what his instincts told him would have swooped down from the heavens and taken hold by now. Why? He wondered. Was it that he wasn’t good enough? Was it that he hadn’t done all he could, worked as hard as he could work? Why? Paul caught a glimmer of the old bench on the side of the walkway next to the lake out of the corner of his eye and he hesitated briefly before slumping down on to it. His old legs were aching, his breath was catching in his chest from his long walk. He had walked the walk of wonder and confusion. He had walked for miles in the rain and through the streets to get to this peaceful place. He had not given any of the other people he had passed on his walk the briefest of glances, he couldn’t face them... he couldn’t bear to see the disappointment that he was sure would be on their faces... he had failed them.
All of them. It had all been on him, on his shoulders, and he had worked his fingers to the bone to secure a bright and glorious future for all of them. But now, there was nothing. Paul was at the end of his rope and he knew it. He couldn’t go on any longer, his work was done now and, he admitted to himself with great pain, it just hadn’t been enough.
Is this it then? He asked himself. Is this all there is or ever will be for me?
Paul let his head slump down to his chest and felt the bench creak slightly from the strain of his slight frame. It began to rain harder and the water bounced off the stones of the walkway that lined the lake. Paul’s tears were hidden among the rain drops that continued to stream down his face. It had been so much to bear, so much to do and, yet, hadn’t he done it all? Done all that he could? Several minutes passed and the rain continued to fall, getting heavier and heavier until it felt as if sheets of water were pounding down on his shoulders. Paul closed his eyes from the sting of the rain and shivered underneath his soaked clothes. The rain felt good in a way, felt as if it was cleansing him, driving the dirt of all his work away. The rain grew heavier still and Paul found himself struggling to breathe as the weight and force of the drops from above beat down upon his head and shoulders.
The lake began to fill and slip past the edges of the walkway, all grew quiet as nothing dared to move within the deluge from above. Paul’s feet were soon wet within his shoes as the new boundary of the lake reached the park bench.
All the while, Paul’s eyes remained closed. There was no other sound but the rain, no other smell but the dampness of the grass and trees. There was no light shining through his closed eyelids, for the day had grown as dark as dusk with the storm. The wind howled meekly and then was gone. Paul felt that he could pass at any moment, go on to the next in the midst of the rain...
It was then that all ceased momentarily for Paul. Although his mind knew that it was raining outside, that he was getting all the more soaked as he sat on this bench, there was nothing at all for Paul. He was in a place frozen by time, cut off from reality, a non-place where there was simply nothing. Paul felt one last gasp of breath catch in his chest as the nothingness of it all seemed to squeeze tighter around him, squeeze and squeeze until the very last shred of reality that was Paul would cease to exist as well.
Then it was over and Paul opened his eyes and gasped for air. Reality crashed in around him and he felt the glorious cleansing water washing away all the dirt and grime of the years of his toiling. He sucked in great gulps of air and began to laugh, his smile steering rain drops away from his mouth and down his cheeks. Paul clapped his hands together and dared not try to stand against the constant deluge of rain from the darkened sky. This was real, this was what he had been working for... this and something more. Paul noticed the man then, a tall thin man standing by the corner of the bench. He held an umbrella and didn’t seem to be wet at all except for a few drops on his shiny black shoes. Shoes that were curiously visible though they should have been under the water covering the walkway. The face was nondescript and smiling slightly down at him. He was far enough away that the water streaming from his umbrella wasn’t falling directly onto Paul but close enough that the deflected water was bouncing on to the tops of Paul’s shoes and the cuffs of his pants. Paul looked up and into the eyes of this man, the two men shared a look of understanding then. Although the contact of eye to eye lasted only momentarily, Paul felt refreshed and more alive than ever in the presence of this stranger.
“Stand, Paul,” the soothing voice called and Paul stood easily, no more pain in his legs, no more ache in his back. He stood tall and reached under the umbrella to grasp this man by the shoulders.
“I knew you would come,” Paul said through his grin and took in the full view of his new companion.
“Yes, you did, my most faithful of servants,” the man said and laid one pristine hand on Paul’s left shoulder. “You have done all that I could ask for and more, Paul.”
Paul laughed again and felt a new energy surge into his being. He let his arms fall away from the other man’s shoulders and swung them out away from himself to embrace the still falling rain. “It is begun then? ”
“Yes,” the man said with a smile and motioned toward the ever growing lake. “It is begun. But it is not yet complete, Paul, you are almost there.” “I understand,” Paul said as the rain suddenly slackened and a brightness returned to the sky. “Will it be much longer?”
“No,” the man said and began to back away from Paul. “Not much longer at all, Paul.”
“Thank you, oh, thank you,” Paul said as the figure retreated further, still holding on firmly to the umbrella although the rain had almost stopped completely. “Any time, then? ”
“Any time, Paul,” the voice came small and low over the growing distance. “You are almost there...”
“Almost there,” Paul grinned again and looked up at the sun as it broke through the clouds. He could hear the birds chirping again, smell the mist as it began to burn off in the sunlight. “Almost there...”
Yes, Paul, a voice sounded inside his head, even more soothing than that of the stranger.
Paul nodded with immediate understanding as the sun’s rays continued to grow brighter, seemed to engulf him. All that he had worked for, all that he had hoped for. It was close, so very close... in fact... it was now...
Copyright © 2003 by Shawn P. Madison