Bewildering Stories

Dumped from "Hyperdump"

The Invincible Spud

Now the Galactic Partitioned Consolidation (GPC) was at war with the Supreme Perfect Awesome Magnificent Fantastic Luxurious August Megalomaniacal Empire (SPAMFLAME).

"SPAMFLAME will never win," P.C. said, throwing a replica of SPAMFLAME's ridiculous ruler into the input gate. "They can't even get here! How are they going to win?"

"P.C., you must refrain from dumping everything in hyperspace," the computer said. "Soon it's not going to take it anymore, and everything will come flying out. You don't want that, do you?"

"That won't happen! That'll never happen! It's even less likely to happen than SPAMFLAME winning the war!"

"P.C., your behavior is reckless and irresponsible."

"Give it a rest, will you, computer? That's what you always say."


Out of the darkness, the ships approached. They had come from SPAMFLAME, and now they were going to take over the space station. The inhabitants of the space station, unprepared, now panicked, trying desperately to figure out what to do.

"No way!" P.C. said. "Impossible! SPAMFLAME couldn't possibly have gotten here!"

"Well, obviously they did," the computer said.

"What do we do know?"

"You're the genius. You figure it out."

"What? Oh! The hyperdump! I knew throwing all that stuff away was going to help us in the end!"

"What are you suggesting, P.C.?" the computer said. "I don't like the sound of this."

"We'll open up the gate and dump all the stuff on SPAMFLAME! It's perfect! What do you think?"

"P.C., are you going insane? How could you even consider such a thing? I highly advise against this, P.C."

"Oh, leave me alone, computer. I'll save the space station!"

"P.C., you are acting reckless and irresponsible," the computer said. "Please refrain from--"

But it was already too late.

P.C. started entering the coordinates to create an output gate, the first one ever to be created in the history of hyperspace access. All the stuff contained within hyperspace would finally come out, destroying the SPAMFLAME fleet where it was.

But hyperspace didn't wait for P.C. to finish entering the coordinates. The probability of reflux was now so great that the structure of hyperspace collapsed. A gate appeared in the wrong place, opening up to consume the universe, and then everything inside came gushing out.

Author's Note

This story consists of two sections from the first draft of my story "Hyperdump" that I removed when I revised the story.

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Copyright 2002 by The Invincible Spud and Bewildering Stories.