Bewildering Stories



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Stupid Story 8½

Enogee Drink



Author's Note and a Half

This is the surprising sequel to Stupid Story 8.

Jake Cowan belched. He was happy that he had blown up Zeke Spencerson's house with a baking soda and vinegar bomb. Jake opened up a factory in Seattle, Washington. His factory was called the Poof Baking Soda and Vinegar Bomb Factory. It made baking soda and vinegar bombs. Jake put 8½ bomb jars in a sack that had New York Times printed on the side. He rode his bike to St. Louis, Missouri. He went to the top of the Gateway Arch and lowered a bomb jar into the Mississippi River by string. He dropped the string and left St. Louis. Four hours later, the baking soda and vinegar bomb exploded, creating a 56-meter-deep crater and sending three tons of river water over St. Louis. The Gateway Arch collapsed into the crater. Jake rode his bike to Washington, D. C. He dug a large hole under the White House and placed a bomb jar under the Oval Office. Then he left the District of Columbia. Four hours later, the bomb exploded. (Duh!) The Oval Office went flying toward Neptune. Tons of debris showered over Washington. Jake walked into a small post office in Richmond, Virginia. He handed the clerk a small cardboard box containing a baking soda and vinegar bomb. Four hours later, Extrelectron Airlines Flight #880 exploded over Puerto Rico on its way to Brazil. Jake rode his bike to San Antonio, Texas. He hid a bomb in the Alamo. Four hours later, the Alamo exploded. (The baking soda and vinegar bombs will now be referred to as BSV bombs.) Jake Cowan whistled with glee. He biked back to Seattle. He put a BSV bomb on the tip of the Space Needle. Four hours later, the BSV bomb exploded, sending the Space Needle swirling into space, like a needle in a spacestack, er, haystack. "Let's see, er, what's next, huh? Sears Tower? Huh? Okay," said Jake. He took a steamboat to Chicago. He looked at the Sears Tower, then said, "Nope, too tall, too high, too far, too exciting, too good, too true, tutu!" He searched for another building. He walked to the John Hancock Center and the elevator to the top. When the doors opened, Jake stared into the melting face of King Kong. "Holy heck! What big brains you have!" he said. King Kong reached for his pocket. Jake opened King Kong's mouth wide and put a BSV bomb inside. He picked up King Kong and threw him over the side of the building. There was a sickening splat when King Kong crashed into the street. Then, the John Hancock Center vertically dropped and broke at the bottom. Jake Cowan proudly stepped out of the cloud of dust. He snatched a videotape from King Kong's pocket. Stupid Story: The Movie'. Oh, well. Six down, two and a half to go!" he said to himself. Jake ventured to Atlantic City and sent a package to George Kluskum, whose office was at the Empire State Building. Four hours later, when George Kluskum opened the package, the Empire State Building went down. Jake took an airplane to Fairbanks, Alaska. Some building collapsed when he placed a BSV bomb in it. I have no idea what that building was. Then he travelled southeast to Mount McKinley. When he reached the peak, he saw Zeke Spencerson the Abdominable Snowmonkey. "Zeke? Is that you? You look ugly! Cool special effects, dude! How'dcha make 'em?" Jake pulled out half a BSV bomb from his sack. He hurled the bomb half at Zeke, who caught it. Zeke threw it back. The bomb half hit Jake in the stomach, sending him rolling down Mount McKinley. He was rolling in an avalanche. When the avalanche touched the ground, it kept rolling, all the way to Flint, Michigan. Four hours after the bomb half hit Jake, the avalanche stopped in front of Jake's house. He stared across the street at the demolished house of Zeke. "I love this ride!" He exclaimed. He looked at the bomb half stuck on his stomach.

The End ½

Copyright 2002 by Enogee Drink.