The Time Traveler’s Companion
Special Edition
Dear Valued Customer!
We have so much exciting news here at Time Traveler Inc. we decided to put out a special supplement to our regular monthly bulletin! Here are some of our most exciting offers:
Last month’s trip by the Manhattan Ladies Flower Society to view the angiosperms of the Lower Cretaceous period was postponed due to an unexpectedly violent widening of the Atlantic Ocean. The trip has been rescheduled for next month, when tectonic activity will have settled down. Non-members are welcome to come along and see these beautiful proto-flowers! The weather should be warm, so get ready for an early summer vacation!
(Participants who wish to take part in the outdoor safari walk will be required to sign a special waiver holding Time Traveler Inc. harmless in the event of a Deinonychus attack, or for any injuries caused by Deinonychus teeth and/or talons, whether from living animals or any carcasses found in the course of the walk).
The West Point Military History Department has chartered our new Super-Precision Travelcraft for its maiden voyage! It can pinpoint destinations to an hour’s accuracy (see last month’s “Time Traveler’s Companion” for craft details). The department plans to visit Belarus on June 22, 1941, followed by a quick hop to Stalingrad and/or Leningrad in 1943 (the exact date has yet to be decided). There are still a few spots open for civilians, so hurry and sign up!
(Participants are asked to remain within the safety of the Travelcraft for the duration of the trip. Participants are reminded that they will not be allowed to intervene on behalf of either the German or the Soviet army, or any noncombatants).
Time permitting, the trip may also include an excursion to Northern Finland in the January of 1940, in order to witness the deployment of Finnish ski troops against the Red Army during the Winter War. Sataa lunta! / Da zdravstvuyet sneg! Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
(The Travelcraft is climate-controlled; however, in case of emergencies participants are requested to bring clothing rated to minus 40).
And finally, due to its incredible popularity Time Traveler Inc. is expanding our pre-Columbian Americas program. You can now sign up for a day, a week, or even a month in beautiful unspoiled Early America! Hunt buffalo on the Plains, put up a wigwam, or help build a pyramid in the South American jungle!
Depending on the temporal and/or geographical location of the travel package, participants may be required to complete a training course in one or more of the following activities: animal tracking, archery, atlatl techniques, axe throwing, bareback horse riding, brain-tanning hides, peyote ingestion, pyramid construction, and shamanistic dream interpretation. Tattooing, ritual scarification, or other initiation rites may also be necessary, either before or during the trip. Get ready to go native and discover the noble savage within!
(Time Traveler Inc. is not responsible for any injury or death, including death resulting from the participation in human sacrifice rituals.)
Happy excursions! from your friends at Time Traveler Inc. and “The Time Traveler’s Companion”
Copyright © 2006 by Bewildering Stories
on behalf of the author
