Guess Who’s Looking for You

by Douglas Young

Table of Contents

Table of Contents
parts 1, 2, 3

conclusion

Wanting to shift attention from himself, he looked at her again. “You would betray Ray?”

“For you, hell yeah, ‘cause Ray’s a mistake, and what we’ve got is something really special. You’re the love of my life, Keaton, and you know I’m the love of yours or you wouldn’t be here. And now you’re letting me hold your hand again. You do love me, Keatty. I know it.”

“I probably do.” He started to say more but stopped and just looked at her with what struck her as a resigned expression. She still smiled and rubbed his hand.

“Thank you, Keatty. You’ve always been honest with me. And as hurt and angry as I made you, and as proud as you are, I know that wasn’t easy.” Her smile became a grin and she moved forward to kiss him but he pulled away.

“What’s wrong?”

“You broke my heart!” The words flew out like a knee jerking from a doctor’s tap. He hoped he had not hurt her, but his head told him she needed to hear it, especially if she really wanted honesty, something he had learned the hard way was critical in a romantic relationship. For once, she said nothing. Finding the silence unbearable, he spoke. “So what’s wrong with Ray anyway?”

She blinked. “We’ve got issues.”

“Well, I have a pretty big trust issue with you.”

Pausing and looking away briefly, Lyric sighed before squinting at him. “I swear I’ll never cheat on you again, Keaton. What more can I say?”

“What difference does it make what you say, Lyric? You’re just going to do whatever you want. You always do, however you rationalize it. You don’t remember telling me how you cheated on all your other boyfriends, too, but I was somehow different and you’d never betray me?”

Her shoulders slumped and she looked at the floor, exhaling with a frown.

For a second, he thought of Huey and wondered if he was actually being a self-righteous, major moron for turning down the chance to be with his voluptuous dream girl again. Then he recalled what his brother said when consoling him after the terrible breakup: “Good-looking is an ice cream cone on a hot July afternoon.” Janessa was not in Lyric’s beauty league, but she was many lengths ahead in so many more important respects.

“Lyric, I won’t deny I still love you and care about you and will help you in any way I can. But as remarkable as our time together often was, I just don’t think we should date again. You know I’m an anxious depressive who doesn’t handle stress well, and... as awesome as our relationship could be, there was a heck of a lot of drama well before the breakup.

“Now I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m telling you because I care about you, Lyric. I still think you may be manic depressive or bipolar and that getting diagnosed and treated could be such a Godsend for you. You also need to stop drinking. You know that better than anyone.

“In any event, I just desperately need stability, and my time with Janessa may not have had the highs that you and I reached, but it’s the most even-keeled relationship I’ve ever had, and she really rescued me when I was mired in a whole heap of hurt.

“I’m sorry if this is painful, Lyric, and I’m sorry if... sitting here with you and letting you hold my hand has led you on. But I can’t betray Janessa and break her heart. I just can’t. And I know this way is better... for everyone.”

He had often looked away to avoid her sad countenance and he dreaded seeing any more tears, but now forced himself to face her, squeezing her hands with both of his.

Lyric had listened intently, her eyes never leaving his, and her face was blank. After a pause, she spoke. “Are you saying your relationship with Janessa is better than ours was?”

He stared at her and found that he could not look away. Desperately not wanting to hurt her but determined to remain honest and not give any more mixed signals, he at last answered. “I’m just saying it’s... healthier for me, babe. I’m sorry. I mean you nothing but the best.”

She began to cry and did not hide her tears. Keaton embraced her, and she sobbed on his shoulder. He stroked her hair and rubbed her back, rocking her slowly and telling her everything would work out. He had done this many times after she had worked herself into an emotional frenzy, often accelerated by alcohol. He would be left emotionally exhausted and then amazed at how quickly she usually bounced back. But this time he felt worse.

Between sobs, she tried to speak. Each time he told her it would be okay.

“I’m just sick of my life being such an endless damn bumper car game and always ending up losing everyone important to me. I try so hard, Keatty. I’m a good person. I don’t understand. I’m so lonely.”

“You are a good person and it doesn’t have to be this way. You can get help, Lyric. You don’t have to fight whatever’s ailing you alone. You have a lot of friends willing to help and I’m one of them.”

They held each other a long time until she stopped crying.

“Here,” he said handing her his handkerchief. “Now it’s almost completely clean. Just avoid that corner there.” To his great relief, she chuckled and hugged him again before blowing her nose and wiping her face.

“There.” She smiled returning the handkerchief. “Now it’s completely smeared with snot, tears, makeup, and mascara.”

He gratefully chuckled, relieved the tension had plummeted at last. No longer fearing he might cheat on Janessa, and too drained to socialize with other party guests, but wanting to help his ex, he decided to take her home, recalling how some of the few times she would follow his lead came after a good cry.

“I’m taking you home now, babe,” he said standing up and extending his hand. Her eyes widened and she smiled broadly.

“To put you to bed,” he stated, prompting her to laugh.

“Wow. I shoulda cried when I first saw you, Keatty.”

“Ha, ha. You know what I mean. You’re upset, and you’ve had too much beer to drive. So you can ride with me. and I’m sure Zita’ll return your car tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Keatty,” she said softly while getting up and hugging him again. As they walked out of the bedroom, she tried to hold his hand but he quickly raised it to pat her back. They told Zita goodbye and walked to the street. When Lyric started to stumble, he held onto her arm until they got to the car.

“Aw. You still open the door for your old girlfriend.” She smiled.

On the drive, she stared at him. When he turned to her, she smiled and kept looking.

“What?” he asked.

“I miss how you always held my hand when driving.” He looked at her and smiled. “We did lots of other things in this car too.” She giggled.

“All right. Enough. Let’s please change the subject.”

She laughed and looked ahead.

It struck him that this was their quietest car ride. but he was not unnerved by the silence, confident they both felt better and he was doing a good deed.

When they pulled up to her apartment, the thought of an angry Ray crossed his radar. “Ah, is Ray here?”

“God, no. You think I’d let him live with me?”

“Okay. I was just checking to see if I needed to make a fast getaway.”

She chuckled and smiled at him. “Well? Aren’t you gonna tuck me into bed?” She laughed when he raised his eyebrows. “Then at least walk me to the door.”

“It’s right in front of you, Lyric.”

“So? Then that’s the least you could do. Don’t get all aloof with me, Keatty. Hey, am I still the only one who calls you that?”

“Only you...” He sang the opening words to the 1955 Platters song, prompting a big grin from Lyric.

Walking the few steps to her apartment, he recalled doing so on their first date when he kissed her goodbye at the door and she pulled him inside to stay the night. He marveled at all they had been through since then before realizing this was the first anniversary of their initial date. Should I say anything? he asked himself. Did she remember and is that why she made such a play for me tonight?

When she unlocked the door, he could not help himself.

“Lyric, it just hit me. You know what today is?”

“No. Should I? What?”

“It’s the anniversary of our first date.”

Her eyebrows jumped as her mouth fell open and her hands rose to her cheeks. “Synchronicity, baby! That’s why I was jonesing for you so all day. Wow. Thanks for telling me, Keatty.”

“I’m kind of hurt you didn’t remember.”

“Well, come inside, babe, and let me make it up to you.” She winked and opened the door wide.

“Thanks.” He chuckled. “I should head on. But I truly am glad we saw each other, and I do feel a lot better and sure hope you do, too.”

“Yeah, me too, and I do. Thanks, Keatty.” They hugged and he let go first.

“No goodbye kiss?” She cooed with a flirty grin.

He smiled and hugged her tightly, holding her for many seconds and lifting her off her feet before waving goodbye.

“That was your best one yet, babe,” she pronounced.

When he cranked up the car, he saw her looking at him through her front window. He was a little disappointed she did not blow him a kiss. But she waved before closing the curtain.

He sighed deeply heading out the parking lot. What a night, he reflected, as a mix of emotions followed him home. He definitely felt better about Lyric and no longer dreaded bumping into her around town. It was a genuine comfort not to be so angry at her, and he was relieved she was not upset with him, either. He also acknowledged what a rush it had been to be pursued by her.

But did I act honorably? he asked himself. Though he resolved to tell Janessa about seeing Lyric and that they talked and he drove her home, he knew he would never divulge that they held hands, that he told her he still loved her, or a lot of other things he’d said. Nor would he acknowledge how aroused and tempted he was. Though he harbored some guilt, the night felt good on the whole.

I neither slept with nor even kissed her, and despite considerable temptation... Yeah, but I still held hands with her and hugged and held her a lot. How would Janessa feel if she knew that, and why won’t I tell her? How would I feel if she did and said the same things with her last ex?

He pondered some more. I definitely feel some real closure with Lyric, like I can finally move on without looking back with so much regret. It’s a relief to be friends with her like with my other exes. Janessa wouldn’t begrudge me that. She’s friends with some of her exes, too.

Though somewhat ambivalent, he felt pretty good about his conduct, some inconsistencies notwithstanding. He remembered what so many therapists have said about how “Life is messy” and “Perfection is neither the goal nor remotely attainable.” Yeah, and maybe I’m the one rationalizing now.

However conflicted, since he felt neither the knot in his stomach nor the tightening in his chest that came with strong guilt, he concluded he could live with his actions that evening.

He also looked forward to Janessa returning to town on Sunday. It was as if he had finally closed the most thrilling but chaotic chapter of his life, and he relished his new girlfriend’s reliability and lack of drama even more.

He sure would have plenty to share the next time he saw Dr. Konigsberg.