Cosmic Breakup
by Charles C. Cole
“Better Man” appears in issue 1042.
part 1
What Androids Know About Humans
Early one morning on an Earth devoid of humans, a small crowd of androids stood quietly in a cluster outside the entrance of their robot factory. A sign on the door said, “Closed For Upgrade.”
Zander, the foreman of the factory, attracted by the commotion, approached, prepared to politely disperse the group. “Couldn’t stay away, huh? The plant is offline until we get things back in order,” Zander explained. “Sorry, gents; I know how much you like routine. Don’t we all? We’re working as fast as we can. Until then, there’s nothing for you to do. Go home. We’ll reach out when things change.”
Millay, a short, squat, brass android, spoke first: “We’re not here to work, Zander. We came to listen to Weed.”
Weed, tall and thin and dark blue, stepped forward. “Sorry, Mr. Foreman. I knew we were shut down, and the guys wanted to hear about my recent trip in space with humans. I figured this place would be quiet, not a lot of busybodies, but familiar to everyone.”
Zander dilated his focal units, intrigued. “Weed, the android who met our human masters and lived to tell the tale. I heard the rumor. This is indeed a historic day, or at least the day after. No rush, fellas. This I gotta hear for myself. Proceed.”
Millay began: “Okay then.” There was a long pause as most present didn’t know what questions to ask. “Fine. I’ll start with the questions. Weed, why were they here?”
Weed recapped: “Honestly, they wanted nothing to do with Earth. They were in the area and needed to land for a quick repair.”
“Did they kidnap you?” asked a voice in the crowd.
“No, it was more like an offer, like they thought they were doing me a favor, maybe rescuing me. They were my first humans, and I didn’t know when I’d get another chance to see one up close.”
“Did they boss you around like a servant?” asked Millay, in a way that intimated he suspected the answer. “I’m sure old habits die hard.”
Weed responded thoughtfully. “The worker humans, most of whom wore identical uniforms, kept their polite distance; I was a curious oddity, but they didn’t want to be left alone with me. The captain, the man with the most authority, just wanted to impress me with their technology.”
Millay offered: “He didn’t know you’ve been around for close to three human lifetimes.”
Zander asked: “Tell us about their robots. Isn’t that what we want to hear? Are they as advanced as us?”
Weed looked into the sky as if the humans were returning. “Well, they have computers to power and navigate the ship, to monitor the many interacting systems, but not one android. Honestly, I felt alone and out of place, unwanted.”
“Sorry, Weed,” said Zander. “Humans created us, sure, and roughly in their image, but that was a long time ago. Maybe we need more time apart to appreciate one another.”
Millay asked: “How did you convince them to return you?”
“In a way, as odd as it sounds, the captain read my mind; he could see I wasn’t going to be a good fit.”
“Like humans on Earth,” said Millay. “They had their chance. They don’t know what they’re missing.”
Zander asked, “Any chance they’ll come back or tell their friends? We’ve made a few changes since humans gave up on Earth. We have a planet full of resources and labor.”
“They’ve conquered the stars; we’re nothing to them,” said Weed. “They won’t be returning.”
Zander wrapped things up: “Sounds like you can all go home. Lucky for all of us, the dreaded invasion of our former human masters has been cancelled due to lack of interest.”
The gathering of curious androids looked at one another and nodded in unspoken agreement. The human takeover of Earth had been postponed indefinitely.
The Android Who Missed Humans
Zander, the android foreman of the robot factory, stood on the rooftop patio outside his office watching the sun set behind the distant hills. Another workday was more or less over, and he felt satisfied. It was October: the daylight hours were getting shorter, but he didn’t care because production was on target. In the morning, even before the crews arrived, a fleet of long semi-trailers would be backed up to the docks and waiting to be loaded.
Somebody coughed from his open office door. Zander turned. It was an unscheduled visit from Millay, a short bot who was rough around the edges. Millay was not management but had been with the company for a couple of decades, and so he felt “management adjacent” and often had unsolicited opinions.
“Millay, it’s the end of the day,” said Zander. “Go home. Find me in the morning.”
“I thought your door was always open.”
“Apparently. You’re standing in it, or in one of them anyway,” said Zander. “Deliver your message.”
“A little while ago, something unexpected happened on the assembly line.”
Zander was suddenly, acutely interested. “Anybody damaged? Where’s the line leader?”
“Phibbs? He left at five o’clock exactly. Said he had an appointment he couldn’t be late for. I figured you knew.”
“Millay — and I can’t believe I’m saying this — please share your dirty little secret, now before one of us goes over the edge.”
Millay put up both hands with his palms out. “I could stop and turn around. I didn’t have to come up here, but I thought it was the responsible thing to do, that you’d want to know.”
“Please continue.”
“One of your engineers — a new guy, I don’t know his name — found an old emotional chip under a drawer in a filing cabinet. He decided to stick it in one of the new droids.”
“As a test?”
“As a joke, I guess,” said Millay. “I’d ask him, but he’s left for the day.”
“Is the droid operational?” asked Zander.
“Yes, but he wants to know where his human master is. He doesn’t know humans haven’t been on Earth for hundreds of years. I feel bad for the guy. He’s just a puppy. Maybe we can take him offline and swap chips.”
“Aside from that, he’s fully functional?”
“Other than his case of raw nerves and missing his daddy, sure,” said Millay. “A guy like that is gonna be too distracted to be productive. Whoever gets him is bound to send him back. Is that what we want?”
“Where is he?”
“In the hallway outside your office.”
“Bring him in.” Zander said a silent goodbye to the noble sun and returned to his office, closing the door behind him. Millay and the new guy stood in the center of the room. Zander sat down at his large steel desk.
“Do you want me to leave?” asked Millay.
“He knows you. He doesn’t know me. You can stay.”
The new guy was busy looking around the room at the books on a shelf, out the windows, at awards and photos on the wall, anywhere but at Zander.
“Do you know your name?” asked Zander.
“Keith-0705.”
“This is a big day, Keith,” said Zander. “You’re fresh off the line. You should be pretty excited. How do you feel?”
“Can I be honest, sir?” asked Keith.
“No need to call me ‘sir.’ And, yes, absolutely. You’re among friends.”
“I feel lost, lonely, and incomplete. I really need to see my human master. Is he nearby? I want to make sure I meet his expectations.”
“Time to rip the Band-Aid off,” mumbled Millay.
Zander shot Millay a cold “management” look. “Keith, there are no humans nearby. Turns out there was an off-world exodus many years ago. They wanted something different, and they haven’t come back, so I guess they found it. The good news is they left us planet Earth to do with as we wanted.”
“No humans? Not one?”
“Sorry for the shock, pal. You’re gonna be okay. You got your whole life ahead of you.” Zander turned to Millay. “Where’s he going?”
“New Phoenix. Lots of warm, dry weather and a jet manufacturer in need of labor.”
“Hear that, Keith?” said Zander. “A cutting edge assignment for only our best droids. Someone believes in you. That is, unless you don’t want to go, and then I guess we could find something to keep you busy around here, but nothing nearly as exciting.”
Keith considered a long moment. “I want to go,” said Keith.
Zander stood. “Are you sure? If not, I could make other arrangements. It might take a couple of days: I’ll have to jump through a few bureaucratic hoops. It’s your call.”
“I want to go to New Phoenix,” insisted Keith.
“Okay then, my fine fellow. Millay, please make sure Keith-0705 is ready for transport.” Zander reached over his desk to high-five Keith. Keith responded in kind, though awkwardly. Keith bowed, again awkwardly, and backed out of the room. Millay followed. “Thank you, Millay. You always go above and beyond.”
Millay paused in the doorway. “If there’s ever room in management...”
Zander smiled broadly. “Management is all paperwork and drudgery. Don’t let the office and the view fool you. You watch new droids take their first steps. I envy you. And you’re right where I need you as my eyes and ears. My door isn’t really always open, but it is to you.” Millay exited.
Zander opened his door to the rooftop. The sun was gone, and dusk wasn’t as heartwarming. There was always tomorrow.
Copyright © 2025 by Charles C. Cole
