Morituri or Curtains for Nemo and Kafka
by Gary Inbinder
A One-Act Verse Play
Chorus: Old age is like a foreign country. You don’t know what it is like until you get there and, once there, you wish you had stayed at home.
Enter Old Nemo accompanied by his friend, Old Kafka the Cat. Nemo eases into a reclining chair facing a television. The old man lifts the old cat and sets it down on his lap.
Old Nemo: Kafka, my friend, tonight I pondered mortality and planned. If you go first, I’ll bury you in my garden where the azaleas bloom. Don’t worry, there is plenty of room for a kitty’s tomb.
Old Kafka: That’s kind of you, Mr. Nemo. If you go first, here’s what I’ll do. I promise not to eat you, old pal, as starving cats sometimes do. I’m sure our neighbor Mrs. Jones will feed me. She’s a cat-loving gal. Then, you will receive a proper burial, I am sure, and won’t be turned into feline manure.
Old Nemo: It is comforting, my friend, to know my earthly remains will not make a passage through your guts, thus ending up in a litter box. To paraphrase Shakespeare, such an end would be a consummation devoutly not to be wished. Here is the long and short of it: I do not want my corpse transformed into cat shit.
Now, let us complete our comradely compact. In consideration of your promise, I’ll arrange with Mrs. Jones for your feeding and care and will bequeath to you all my possessions, including my comfy chair. To this agreement, I do solemnly swear. Though, frankly like Gershwin’s Porgy, I have plenty of nothing to share.
Old Kafka: I accept your plenty of nothing bequest, old chum, including your comfy chair and stash of Jolly Roger Rum. I can trade rum with Mrs. Jones for an ocean of cream, more than I could lap up in my wildest dream. In return, I bequeath unto you my larder of dried mice meats, plus catnip toys and other delectable treats.
Old Nemo: Our bargain is now struck, and I find it delightful, especially since the thought of you eating me was frightful. Now that our estates are settled, let us see what is on Cable TV. Something better, I hope, than last night’s fare, which was a travesty.
Old Kafka: “Cat Monsters from Outer Space” works for me. One cannot expect much from Cable TV.
Old Nemo: Oh no, not that. We must have watched it nearly a thousand times. I would rather die.
Old Kafka: Is there anything better?
Chorus: Such was the cat’s discerning reply. So, they watched “Cat Monsters from Outer Space” for the thousandth time. In their waning days, to paraphrase the Bard, they suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous TV. Morituri.
Copyright © 2026 by Gary Inbinder
