Dogged Dr. Owen

by Channie Greenberg

Dr. Phillip Protean:

I need to withdraw Deep Water Creature Delights from offer. Another small press will be publishing it. In its place, might I offer you Estuary Creature Delights?

Warmly,
Dr. Owen Brownstone
(Owmapow)

Dr. Brownstone:

I will happily accept your second book, Estuary Creature Delights. Meanwhile, congratulations on Deep Water Creature Delights. Let’s mention that book on your author page.

However, since I have four more books to release this year, I’m waiting until January to contract my next titles. As well, one of my most annoying authors stole art work, so I have to terminate his project. Sigh. Also, redesigning Smells Fishy Publishing’s website sent me scuttling, but I think that having an easier-to-access portal is worth the concomitant pain. For sure, it’s never boring here.

Sincerely,
Phillip Protean

Hi, Phillip Protean:

I’m thrilled that you have accepted Estuary Creature Delights. I look forward to receiving a contract from you in January. Meanwhile, I’ll send letters, to promote our forthcoming book, to venues that published my short works, i.e. to: Creatures and Flowers, Smarmy Friends, Crazed Critters, and Squeaks and Roars. Additionally, please find attached pictures of Rhithropanopeus harrisii, Harris mud crabs, and of Ostrea lurida, Olympia oysters, as possible front and back cover images for Estuary Creature Delights.

Sincerely,
Owmapow

Dr. Protean:

Maybe your computer is eating my email. Please, by the end of this week, either tell me that you are no longer interested in my books or send me the promised contract for Estuary Creature Delights. I’d rather hear from you directly than have to resort to pulling the offer for lack of communication. Months ago, you promised I’d receive a contract in January and it’s currently May. Ought I to send this project elsewhere?

Sincerely,
Owmapow

Dr. Protean:

I hope the reason that I have had no response from you is because of something stupid I did and not, G-d forbid, because you, or a family member, is in a dire place. I am guessing you are okay since Smells Fishy Publishing is still posting.

Whereas I hate leaving you, I do have to continue moving forward. Hence, please consider this email my withdrawal of my offer to work with Smells Fishy Publishing on Estuary Creature Delights. Someday, perhaps, you will let me know why you stopped answering my emails.

Owmapow

Owmapow:

My dear writer, there is nothing you could do that would make me disregard your work. I am answering you on the fly between appointments because I do not want you to think that my too delayed response is attributing anything wrong to you. Truth be told, I have not caught up on issuing contracts because I have been overwhelmed.

To wit, I’ve only managed one book release, so far, this year. I have tons of correspondence to catch up on, yours and others. I don’t know whether you will find my words consoling or evidence of incompetence on my part.

I remain committed to publishing Estuary Creature Delights. I don’t blame you for wanting to send it elsewhere, but I will get the contract to you by this summer. In fact, I’ll jump it ahead of all of the other books that are awaiting contracts.

Sincerely,
Phillip Protean

Dr. Protean:

I am confused. Are we contracting or not for Estuary Creature Delights? Even the graduate students who help at my lab asked if I had yet received a contract. They were disappointed when I answered “no.”

If Smells Fishy Publishing Contact can’t/won’t come forward with a contract, that’s fine, just tell me. I just want closure. In the interim, I accepted a job supervising the docents at Santa Barbara’s Museum of Natural History’s shark touch pools, tidepool tank, and sea specimen exhibits.

My writing time, consequently, has dropped to almost nothing. I respect Smells Fishy Publishing, but I need straight communication, so I can make future plans. Please let me know what’s going on with my contract.

Additionally, I’ve received a contract from another publisher for another book, River Creature Delights. That agreement is signed and countersigned. Production is scheduled.

Owmapow

Oh Phillip:

How I wish it was not your hardships that waylaid our communication. Per your last email, you’ve been further busied with helping your secretary with legal issues and with sourcing medical care for your grandmother.

As per Yours Truly, I remain a work in progress. I’ve had too many demands and too few resources, so, I’ve given up teaching face-to-face writing workshops for a while-they were a time sink when it came to advertising them, collecting students’ fees, and the like. Maybe, in the near future, I’ll offer online courses. Also, I’ve stopped blogging. At first, blogging gave me experience and visibility. More recently, though, it gave me crummy remuneration, unnecessary pressure, and insomnia.

In reconfiguring, I’m emphasizing book-length projects. To wit, I’m going to spend the next span retooling a commercial book (I’ve already written dozens of versions of this thing, and, in fact, have roughly 500-600 pages to sort, to prune, and to supplement.) What’s more, I have several cherished projects, in the works, including Marine Madness, my collection of short fiction about endangered aquatic critters, such as the fin whale and the Steller sea lion. Intermittently, I’ve been proofing the galleys for River Creature Delights, signing a contract for Mysteries of the Mud Holes, and what-have-you.

Accordingly, per Estuary Creature Delights, while I admire you as a publisher, you’ve broken a lot of promises to me. If you send me the contract for Estuary Creature Delights by the end of the month, we’re good to go; I can wait until early 2020 for a launch. Nonetheless, unless I receive that authoritative piece of paper and am able to sign it, and then send it back to you for a countersignature, I consider this matter unsettled and request that you release me from our agreement.

Sincerely,
Owmapow

Owmapow:

I am excited that you’re taking on projects like Marine Madness and Mysteries of the Mud Holes! You ought to work on books that matter to you. Good luck!

Phillip

PS: The contract for Estuary Creature Delights is attached.

Phillip:

Thank you for finally sending me the contract. Let’s target May for galley proofs. Does that suit you? As well, let’s do the interview (see attached) at the conservation e-zine, Whaling Away. Mostly, they support nonviolent solutions to ecological crises.

Owmapow

PS: I’m starting to upgrade my website. I intend to add music, to paste in new images, and to update my list of published work.

Phillip:

Are we still good to go? I will be “out of the office” during the last week of July/first week of August. Please send me the galley proofs now so I can do my part on this project. I have to attend to Mysteries of the Mud Holes when I return to work. This waiting and waiting is making me feel crazy.

Owmapow

Owmapow:

Layout will be August and you can deal with galley proofs, thereafter. I can’t wait to see your reaction to our work. Meanwhile, let’s compile a list of people to ask to send back cover blurbs. I still have your crab and oyster images. Did you take those photos? If not, do you have permission to use them?

Phillip

Phillip:

I took those photos. Do you want more so we could use a montage instead of a single image? I’ll ask professional friends, i.e. editors who know my writing, to supply blurbs for our book. I’m assuming, thus, I can send them copies before we do galleys?

Owmapow

Owmapow:

I changed the order of the narratives in the last section of Estuary Creature Delights; after “All of the Wisdom that is a Sea Snail’s,” I put “Bountiful Beach Buffet: Loving Seaweed, aka Algae,” “Cup Corals Merit,” and “The Harmony of Sea Otters.” I thought the progression felt better moving from smaller to larger species than the reverse. When you see the layout, you’ll know whether it feels right to you or not.

Also, I think I have a better idea for the book’s cover, but I’ll need a few more of your photos of aquatic beasts. I’m glad the photos you sent were taken by you-production costs will be reduced as a result. I think you’ll like what I’m conceptualizing. I’ll keep you posted!

Phillip

Phillip:

Per the cover, I’ll send more photos. Per the galley proofs, I’m still waiting. It’s October, Phillip!

Owmapow

Owmapow:

I’ve been through two rounds of revisions with the freelancer, hoping to have cover options for you next week. This freelancer is a graduate of We Care Little Design School. I’m pleased with the direction he’s taking things.

What are you doing with Deep Water Creature Delights? Will you be traveling to promote it? Might you mention our book, too?

Did you finish revising Mysteries of the Mud Holes? Do you think that Whaling Away might still be open to doing that interview with us?

I’m so impressed with your doggedness. I will get those galley proofs to you by January. I’m sure we’ll be able to launch your title in no less than two more years.

Phillip