Cuteness Aggression

by Anayancy Estacio

Mia walked down the street with her hands deep in her coat pockets. She was noting the names of the shops as she walked by. Two Brothers’ Italian Pizza. Taste of Jamaica. A hot dog restaurant named Hot Diggity.

“Anything of interest to you?”

Mia snapped out of her haze and looked into Dion’s almond-shaped eyes. She then looked away quickly, her eyes down to the pavement. Dion was a boy from her Introduction to Greek Theatre class. When Mia applied to college she expected large class sizes, so that she could melt into a sea of a hundred faces. But when she walked into the building for her 10:00 a.m. class, she saw it was a room of just fifteen chairs, arranged in the shape of a horseshoe. The only seat available when she arrived was next to a dark-haired boy.

“Ah, you picked the best seat. The studious kids sit here,” Dion said to Mia as they waited for the professor to come in. Mia was unsure of what he meant, because the seats didn’t seem that different from one another but she nodded gently, as if she agreed. She refused to look at him fully but, out of the corner of her eyes, she could see his hands. Those are beautiful hands, she thought to herself at the time.

“Oh wait. I think I left my pencil,” Dion then muttered to himself. Mia smiled and gave him the pencil in her hand. He thanked her before saying, “I guess the seats can only do so much for my studiousness.”

The rest of the semester carried on that way with the two of them in the same seats. Mia didn’t initiate conversation with Dion but he would often comment on her observations in class with, “Building on Mia’s point” or “As Mia said” or “I would like to add to Mia’s comment with...” She liked when Dion said her name, or asked her for a pencil, or said a stray observation to her about the weather. “It looks like it may rain today. I hope I didn’t leave my umbrella.”

She liked his hands, too. They were brown and large. When he jotted down a note, she liked to see the way his veins moved. She liked the shoes he wore: white Chuck Taylors that had become decidedly less white with time and use. She liked the way he smelled. She didn’t know where to place the scent, but it made her feel fresh and clean to be in his presence. She hadn’t looked at his face long enough, but from the glances she saw, she suspected he was beautiful. That thought scared her.

“I... uh... I just don’t go out a lot.” Mia said to Dion’s question as they continued walking.

Dion laughed good-naturedly. “Really? I thought all the guys would be taking you out.” He looked at her, still smiling, but her eyes stayed down.

“You know, I was just joking. I know... or at least you seem pretty shy to me.”

Mia smiled. “Oh? Well maybe I’m just being secretive. Maybe I’m a spy.”

Dion smiled at her again. They had stopped walking now and Dion had faced Mia, his dark curls falling gracefully over his brow. “Ah, so does that mean I should be worried? Or would I be like one of your Bond Girls?”

Mia rolled her eyes but was still smiling. She turned behind her to see where they stopped. A dark silhouette of a cat was painted on the glass and she could see the warm light of the inside of the shop. It was a cat cafe.

“Oh? This is the surprise?”

“Oh. Yeah. Well I remember you mentioned your cat in class before, and I thought you would like it.”

Mia turned away from the cafe to face Dion. The light from the setting sun enveloped him, making him look altogether holy. As if the gods had decided to bless him at this moment. Mia felt a deep desire at the bottom of her belly, calling towards her.

“Uh no,” Mia stammered, her eyes looking nervously down.

“No?” Dion asked, trying to meet her gaze.

“No, I mean. I understand why you’d think that’s a good idea, but I only really like my cat, you see? He’s a cool cat. Let me show you,” Mia said quickly and she pulled out her phone. Dion stepped closer to her as Mia looked at her phone screen, trying to find a picture.

“See? Here.”

Mia handed Dion the phone and looked at his face to see his reaction. Her cat, Polly — after the Cyclops, Polyphemus — was in Mia’s eyes a hideous creature. It lacked one eye and the other was abnormally large for its face. It was missing several teeth and, when she first found it, the cat’s white fur was ragged and matted. Even with Mia’s consistent grooming of the creature, it always seemed to have a dirtiness about it.

Dion smiled and laughed. “It’s cute,” he said, as he handed it back to her. Mia raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“Cute? That’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen,” Mia said, looking at him.

Dion laughed harder this time, his white teeth shining in the light.

“I don’t think so,” he said through chuckles. “I think the cat is pretty cute. I mean she belongs to you. And you’re pretty cute, so why shouldn’t she be?”

Mia held her phone tightly in her hand as she averted her gaze from Dion’s by looking at the other shops across the street. Canyon’s Cafe. Nightingales’. The movie theater simply named Cinema.

Dion’s smile faded softly as he turned to see what Mia was looking. He looked back at her and smiled again. “It’s alright if you don’t want to go to the Cat Cafe. We can come up with something else to do.”

Mia was about to say something when she heard a voice behind her.

“Excuse me,” a woman said. She was exiting out of the cafe with a toddler and a baby in tow. Mia backed into Dion, grabbing his arm. “I’m sorry,” the mother said.

“It’s alright,” Dion responded.

At that moment, the woman’s toddler dropped his toy on the ground and his mother huffed. “I’m sorry. I just—” The mother turned her attention to the child and began to correct him in another language.

As she did this, Mia stared at the baby in the pram. The baby, like its brother, was wearing a coat and a knitted toboggan. The tops of the hat had little cat ears and, as the baby lay on its back, its belly peeking through the bottom of its jacket, Mia thought that the baby wanted to be petted. It reminded her of when Polly — when he was in the mood to be petted — would lie at the bottom of Mia’s feet: belly exposed, lips curled in the appearance of a smile.

Mia would wonder whether this was every cat’s way intentionally to look cute, and Mia also considered whether Polly knew that he was failing in this objective. She found the behavior dangerous in a way. The cat had to know that it was making itself vulnerable and that if Mia wanted to, she could really hurt it. So why would the animal open itself up? What evolutionary sense did that make? Was the chance for affection worth more than the risk of being hurt?

Observing the baby’s large eyes, their lips curling into a smile, Mia felt a deep discomfort in her chest and gulped. “Cute baby,” Mia muttered.

“Oh, thank you,” the mother said with a smile, having finally settled her toddler down. The toddler was grabbing onto the corner of his mother’s jacket, and they began to make their way down the sidewalk together.

Mia watched them walk with a peculiar glare in her eyes. Dion was smiling at her. “Ahem,” he said, clearing his throat dramatically.

Mia snapped out of her gaze to look at him. The sun had set and the soft, warm lamplight of the streets threw shadows around his face. It was the first time that Mia had really looked at him. He had deep, dark-brown eyes and his face looked unnaturally perfect, as if carved out by God himself. He also looked, Mia thought, kind.

He was still smiling at her softly. “If you grab my arm any tighter, I’ll start to bleed,” he said.

Mia, upon realization, looked at her hand. “Oh. I’m sorry,” she said, as she let go.

He laughed softly. “It’s alright.”

Mia looked at the buttons of his pea coat. She could see the top of his chest peeking through and thought for a moment of what his skin must taste like.

“Um, I’m really glad you decided to go out with me,” she could hear Dion say.

“What do you mean?” Mia asked, still staring at the dark round buttons of his coat. “We didn’t really go anywhere.”

Dion laughed. “Yeah, but you still spent time with me. And that was nice in itself.”

Mia felt hot. She could tell that Dion was looking at her. She thought his eyes must have been seeping into her skin, asking to taste her in a way similar to how she wanted to taste him. She wished she could be as animalistic as she imagined him to be. That she could rip him apart in front of everyone in the street and get away with it. She wished she could hurt him for her own pleasure and deny it.

She felt a deep resentment at not being able to be the type of criminal to get away with such actions. That this instinct was not for her to have. But she felt that if this seemingly nice man wanted to, he could get away with whatever he wanted. She hoped so anyway. She hoped that he wanted to because she knew that he could.

“Mia, I...” Dion said, stepping towards her.

Mia looked up at Dion. She felt very small at that moment. Like a mouse cornered by a cat.

“I know you... Well, I feel like you...” Dion stopped. He looked down at his sneakers: white Chucks.

He let out a sigh. “I like you Mia. I think you’re intelligent and kind. And I know I’m basing that off of my experience in class with you but the truth is I’m thankful that you let me hang out with you outside of that. Especially with the semester ending soon, I just wanted to get the chance to know you in a meaningful way. Outside of intellectual conversations about Aristophanes.”

Dion said the last part with a nervous chuckle but, when he looked at Mia, he saw her staring back at him. Her face looked altogether different in that moment, as if a powerful force had come to possess her.

“And I just...” Dion started slowly, as his brown eyes were locked into the deep darkness of her own. “I... I know you’re shy. Or at least I think you’re shy. I just figured if we had... I guess what I’m trying to say is... um. Can we... do you...”

Mia put a finger up to Dion’s lips. Her deep gaze was focused on Dion’s as she stepped towards him slowly. He thought she looked striking in the light, and her beauty seemed to possess some deep, ancient power. As he looked at her, he felt helpless in a way that was tempting. As if this vulnerability was not only natural, but necessary. He felt like a mouse offering itself to a cat, not out of fear, but out of reasonable resignation.

“I do not think that we can continue any further,” Mia said, her voice firm. She then put her hands down beside her but her eyes didn’t leave Dion’s. Her presence was commanding, as if her stance was daring him to make a response.

“Oh,” Dion said softly. “Well that’s okay Mia. It’s alright.” He touched his neck nervously then laughed. “I appreciate you being honest with me and, honestly, I feel a bit embarrassed that I may have been too pushy.” He nervously laughed again. “I’m sorry about that. I’m sure that isn’t a fun feeling.”

Dion looked up shyly from the ground to see that Mia’s face was stern, her eyes still transfixed on him. His characteristically boyish smile faded. “Oh Mia, I hope I didn’t bother you tonight. I just wanted...” Dion looked as if he were contemplating something more to say, but he just blinked and shook his head. “I’m sorry Mia. You’re a cool girl. I didn’t mean to make things awkward.”

Mia’s face hardened and it seemed as if a dark cloud had come over her eyes. “Yes,” she said quietly. She then turned away from him suddenly and walked off, almost marching. Dion watched her leave, feeling like he should say something but choosing instead to be silent.

When Mia made it to her apartment, she felt incredibly hungry. As she began to close the front door she could see Polly out of the corner of her eyes. As she turned towards her cat, Polly was looking up at her, belly exposed, soft smile on his face. In the warm light of her apartment Mia could see that Dion was being genuine in his assessment of her pet. The cat really was cute. And being unable to suppress her desires any longer, Mia pulled her cat close to her and ate the creature whole.