The Critics’ Corner
Don Webb writes about...
James Wasserman’s “Smoke and Mirrors”
Since you mention the role of the editor, Mike, I might add a couple of things:
Our contributors seldom make run-on sentences. I can’t catch everything, but I fix all I happen to notice.
Many of our contributors overuse commas, and they love to toss in suspension points (...) and em-dashes (—) whenever they figure some sort of punctuation is about due. Honestly, you’d be amazed — ... , With all the dashes and suspension points I’ve deleted in the past year, you could hold a track meet on a bridge.
- As for improving stories, Jerry and the rest of us give advice only where we find serious problems with structure or the guidelines. We don’t have the time to do anything more. The Critics’ Corner can play an important editorial role in that respect.
I quite understand, Mike, why you’d like more extensive characterization in “Smoke and Mirrors.” I agree that the story you have in mind is one that needs to be told. However, I think it would be another story than James Wasserman’s and — who knows — you may be the one to tell it.
“Smoke and Mirrors” focuses mainly on the theme of retribution through personality exchange; when that’s accomplished, the story is over. Which brings up a problem, namely the ending:
Drake, or the man formerly known as Drake, stood stunned. Before he knew it, he was staring into the driver’s face. The avalanche of memories were coming back. He wasn’t Philip Reber. The resemblance was... because...
He’d reversed roles.
Three things spoil it for me:
“Drake, or the man formerly known as Drake, stood stunned.” — Who’s who here? An author can depict and explain a character’s confusion, but when the reader is the one who’s confused, then the story screeches to a halt.
“The resemblance was... because...” — Nothing “is because”: the subject always is or does something “because.” That’s a grammar and logic mistake I correct when I see it, but I couldn’t find a way to do that here other than to insert (gasp!) an extra set of suspension points to indicate that the narrator was at a loss for words.
- “He’d reversed roles.” — That’s a stage direction, not the character thinking. Rather, the reader needs to see the role reversal from what the author shows. The best example I know of is a story on the premise of personality transfer: J. G. Ballard’s “A Sudden Afternoon,” in his collection Terminal Beach. It’s well worth studying.
Aside from that, though, I’m very pleased with “Smoke and Mirrors” and hope we receive more from James Wasserman.
Don Webb
Copy Editor, Bewildering Stories
Copyright © 2005 by Don Webb
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