Reembezzlement

by Michael Collins

Table of Contents
Part 1 appears
in this issue.

conclusion

As quietly as possibly, I raise the Immobilizer to the back of his head. Within a flash he’s lying motionless over the hood of the car. Placing the unit back in its holster, I now realize I have reached the point of no return. Quickly moving into action, I begin dragging him towards the squad car. A string of drool is stretching from his bottom lip to his left shoulder, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. Never before have I ever shot anyone with the Immobilizer at point-blank range, and I am here to tell you it really did a number on this guy.

After quickly forcing him into the backseat of the cruiser and removing his clothing, I retrieve a gym bag from the trunk containing civilian clothing for myself. After dressing him in my police uniform, I begin stuffing all his personal items into the bag. Then, placing the bag in the trunk of my new vehicle, I lock everything tight and head back to the squad car.

Satisfied there are no loose ends, I finally climb into the cruiser and drive towards the cliffs of Addington Common. A few unintelligible groans escape from the backseat, but the slumped figure in the rear-view mirror reveals no sign of life. My mind is already preparing for California and living what is considered the high life. It won’t be long now, just a half a mile or so away from being born again.

Finally pulling up to the cliff-side, I put the cruiser in park and unholster the Immobilizer. After plugging in the USB keyboard, I load the program needed to swap the chip information. With a deep breath I point the Immobilizer at the head of the slumped figure in the backseat, holding the sites on him until a piercing beep sounds; I then point it at my own head. Finally, another beep tells me the procedure is finished, which is my cue to remove the keyboard from the unit and lay it in the passenger seat next to me.

Now all I need to do is perform a quick test to make sure everything was swapped properly. Pointing the Immobilizer again at the slumped figure reveals information belonging to me; then pointing the Immobilizer at my own head causes the information of Frank Anderson to be displayed. For some reason the whole process reminds me of the cartoon sequence where a mad scientist swaps the brains of a human and ape. Strangely enough, I’m not sure if I have become the human or the ape. One thing I am sure about is this: I am now Frank Anderson, and just a few more items are left to be checked off before making that long drive to California.

Before getting out of the vehicle, I gently lay the Immobilizer on the dashboard and unbuckle my seat belt. Placing Frank behind the steering wheel and grabbing the keyboard from the passenger seat, I then perform a last-minute check of everything. Removing a small gas can from the trunk, I begin dousing the inside of the cruiser. After tossing the empty can into the backseat and knocking the car into gear, I run to the rear of the vehicle in order to push it over the cliff. As soon as it hits the rocks below it explodes like a bomb. With flames engulfing the whole vehicle, I pick up the keyboard and begin my walk back to my brand new car, which will take me to my brand new house, where ultimately the beginning of my brand new life will come to fruition.

* * *

Exhausted from the three-day drive, I finally arrive at my new house in California. Replaying all the events in my mind, I am confident that everything went as smoothly as had been expected, if not more so. I can’t think of one mistake or even one item that could possibly raise the eyebrows of anyone investigating the scene. I really should check out the local news media outlets to see what the investigators have learned.

I’m just happy knowing my working days are finally over; from here on out I’ll do whatever I want, whenever I want and for however long I want. As a matter of fact, I think I’m going to go out and buy myself a brand new car-something a little more my style. A little more my style? Heck, since the Government passed fuel-induced legislation banning SUV’s, most vehicles on the market are now bland and dorky-looking. I think I’ll just buy myself one of those new Mercedes or BMW mid-sized jobs.

Before I do anything else, I really need to check the local media pages on the Internet. Let’s see, what is the Web address for the Addington Gazette? Here it is. Let’s see: columns, editorials, sports-here we go, local news. This is it:

“Authorities are still investigating the death of a Middleton County police officer when his charred remains were discovered still inside his cruiser after having crashed over the cliffs near Addington Common. Patrolman Harry Douglas, a seven-year veteran from Bartlettsville, was identified by information collected from the identification chip of the deceased.

“Police Chief Warren Peltman confirmed the identity with some very moving words: “Patrolman Douglas was one of the finest police officers I have ever served with; his integrity was impeccable and his dedication to service and duty was unequalled.”

“Although the investigation continues, Middleton authorities are treating this incident as an unfortunate accident.”

I can’t believe the Chief is actually saying nice things about me. Impeccable integrity and unequalled dedication to service and duty... wow, he really knows how to pour on the PR. The truth of the matter is, he never really liked me much, and has told me so on more than one occasion. Well, the only thing that matters now is the plan has worked flawlessly, and I’m now free to live my new life without fear or worry. To be honest I can’t think of a better way to celebrate than to go out and buy myself a brand new car.

Actually driving off the lot with a vehicle I want and not just one I can afford will truly be a whole new experience for me. Far too long have I owned work horses; it’s time to actually own a show horse for once, and I want a whole stable of race horses under the hood! This will definitely be an experience I will never forget. I’m accustomed to car salesmen always ready to get rid of me the second they run a proof of financial responsibility. I can’t wait to see the look on this guy’s face when he runs a check on me today! I’ll bet he starts stuttering all over that B for billion.

* * *

“Anything in particular you’re looking for?” she asks, catching me off guard.

“I’m just looking around,” I reply without looking up from the window-sticker of a beautiful CL-class coupe.

“That’s my favorite on the whole lot,” she said as her hand gently brushed the fender.

My eyes shift from the car to her hand, and follow in the direction of her arm slowly to her face. “What is this color?” I ask, trying to keep my focus on the vehicle.

“Robin’s Egg Blue,” she replies with a smile — a very beautiful smile I might add, one that complements her sophisticated charm and elegance. “How about a test drive?” she invites while dangling the keys in front of me.

“Actually, that won’t be necessary,” I say, looking her straight in the eyes. “I’ll take it.”

After hearing those three straight-forward words, she gently tugs my arm and says, “Well, let’s go write this up.”

Inside the showroom, I notice only one other person, a young man in a suit and tie drinking coffee from some yuppie-fied coffee joint where small portions of caffeine are served with chocolate milk, candy and whipped cream. “Looks like someone has fallen in love with a Benz!” he says with a tooth-filled grin. “Which one are you taking home?” he asks while extending his hand.

“Robin’s Egg, CL-class,” the woman interrupts while logging on to her computer.

“Say, now that’s an awesome ride,” he announces while setting down his steaming cup of cream-puff java. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in here before,” he says with a more serious look. “Are you new in town?”

Before I can answer, the woman interrupts again: “Chad, will you please leave my client alone?”

“All right,” he says, holding his hands in the air as though a gun is to his back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any harm. I’ll just be in the next room.”

The woman finally looks up from the screen. “Thank you.” Then turning again towards me: “If you’ll just hold still Mister... ?”

“Anderson, Frank Anderson.”

“Well, Mister Anderson, if you sit very still for the next few seconds we will have everything needed from your chip.” After pointing the scanner in the direction of my head, she patiently awaits the beep.

The short tone verified that the information from my chip had been scanned properly. I am patiently awaiting the look on her face when she realizes who I am. “It looks as though everything checks out perfectly and we can get you on your way,” she states matter-of-factly. Maybe she didn’t read the whole thing. Maybe she only concentrated on sections needed to sell the car. Standing to her feet, she begins walking toward the door, pausing long enough to inform me of what she is doing: “I’ll be right back; I just need to fill out a temporary tag for the car.”

I can’t wait to get behind the wheel of that beauty and make the heads turn. I have never seen another vehicle with a color scheme even close. Looking around the room in search of anything with a color even remotely close, I notice photographs of my saleswoman posing with a variety of celebrities and politicians. You would think she would have at least recognized my name.

Whoa, what’s wrong with my stomach? All of a sudden I feel nauseated... .Aaaaagghh! I have a terrible piercing sting in my head. Oh my God, it is almost unbearable. I must be having a stroke or something... I can’t speak. And attempting to rub my face, I realize I’m unable to move my arms. I feel my eyes slowly begin rolling up into my head, causing a near-blindness coupled with blurriness and various shades of light.

“Well, Mister Anderson,” I hear the woman’s voice booming from behind me. “It looks as though Chad’s crispy remains will be found in his torched Chevy later this evening.”

Wait a minute, what is she implying? “Are you sure this will work?” I hear the man ask.

“I’m positive,” she responds, “just plug this keyboard in and I’ll take care of the rest.” A beep sounds and I know what they are doing. Oh God, I can’t move! “Hold very still,” she says to him, just before another beep. “Now all we have to do is test it to make sure it worked.” Finally I hear another beep just before the sounds of celebration, then the unmistakable sounds of kissing. “So tell me,” she asks in a seductive tone, “how does it feel to be a billionaire?”

I hear another kiss. “Like being born again.”