The Good Doctor’s Odd Patient
and the Strange Happenings
Resulting From His Visit
by Slawomir Rapala
“The oddest thing happened to me yesterday, doctor.”
“What’s that?”
“A patient came in from the street, howling in pain. I had to take him in immediately, otherwise he would have passed out in the lounge.”
“Strange, indeed. What was the problem?”
“That’s the most peculiar bit. He grabbed me by the shirt and begged me to take his fillings out.”
“You don’t say!”
“That’s right. All of his fillings, all of them out. He was in a great deal of pain.”
“Well, did you do it?”
“Yes, it took me over two hours.”
“All of the fillings?”
“Yes. He was a young man, but had quite a few.”
“And?”
“He slept through it and when he woke up, he looked as fresh as a daisy. He thanked me, paid and left.”
“You left him with no fillings? He must be hurting by now.”
“You would think, no? But it’s as if it were the fillings that caused such unbearable pain.”
“Odd.”
“Indeed. And there was something else.”
“Oh?”
“I noticed during the procedure that his upper gums were swollen. It looked like he was... Well, as if he was teething.”
“Teething? Impossible!”
“Yes, I know it’s hardly possible for a thirty-year old man to have another set of teeth coming in, but that’s what it looked like.”
“Unless...”
“Don’t even think it, good doctor. Let us stay within the realm of the rational.”
“Alright then. But if he really was teething, it would explain the pain he was in.”
“No, he mentioned before he left that the pain was caused by the full moon.”
“The full moon?”
“The lead in the fillings reacted to the moon’s gravity. Like the tides. They shifted back and forth and hence the pain.”
“Well, that is a peculiar bit indeed. It reminds me of a bloke I once met in the U.S.”
“Oh?”
“A young bloke who defected from Cuba. There was quite a few of them fleeing the country then. They stole a boat and sailed towards America at night. The soldiers caught up with them several miles off the Florida coast.”
“And?”
“They shot up the boat and left them for dead. This bloke, get this, he was the only one to survive. Got shot in the neck, but managed to swim to land. Spent some time in refugee camps. Quite a successful doctor now.”
“Interesting.”
“Anyway, they couldn’t take the bullet out of his neck. It’s still there, a little lump just under the skin.”
“How horrid!”
“Yes. He says he can feel it move when the full moon’s out.”
“How odd! Ah, our drinks.”
“...”
“...”
“On a side note, have you seen today’s paper yet, doctor?”
“No, not yet. Anything interesting?”
“A horrible thing happened.”
“Oh?”
“Yes, they found a body in the Yarra, floating near the Docklands.”
“Another mob murder? They should sort it out finally.”
“This is different. This poor chap, he had his throat ripped open.”
“Oh my God!”
“Torn to shreds, I say. A horrible sight.”
“A dog?”
“That’s what the police thought at first. But they found the murderer soon after. He was hiding on a nearby construction site, naked like a newborn baby. Dementia, no doubt.”
“He tore someone’s throat open with his teeth? That’s awful!”
“A horrid sight, indeed. I even happen to have the paper with me. Look, here is the poor chap and there’s the picture of the killer.”
“...”
“Well, you look aghast. I admit myself to being disturbed at first sight.
“...”
“Dear God, you are pale! Here, have a drink. I’ll put the paper away now.”
“...”
“What’s the matter, old chap?”
“That picture...”
“Awful, I know.”
“The murderer... “
“Demented, no doubt about it.”
“It’s my patient from yesterday...”
“...”
“...”
“But that would mean...”
“Yes! A werewolf!”
“Impossible! The DRWE has not recorded a single case for twenty years!”
“Hah! They couldn’t tell one if it bit them in the...”
“Yes, yes, no need for such language, good doctor!”
“The Department Responsible for Werewolf Extermination last assessed the situation twelve years ago during the Annual Conference Concerning the Werewolf Problem.”
“They asserted then that the problem had been resolved; it was all over the news.”
“Yes, they said that werewolves had been exterminated.”
“And yet, if you’re not mistaken about this man...”
“...”
“...”
“God almighty! To think I was this close to such a filthy, flea-infested creature!”
“Great God! You touched it!”
“...”
“You may be contaminated! Guards! Guards!”
“No!”
“A werewolf! This one, this one here!”
“Let go of me!”
“Vile creature!”
“You’re tearing my shirt!”
“Into the cage!”
“Let me go!”
“Snapping your teeth at us, puppy?”
“Ouch! My arm, you’re hurting me!”
“Disgusting!”
“What an animal!”
“How horrid! I’m glad to see him gone!”
“Are you sure you’re not of his kind as well, good doctor?”
“Great Heavens, no!”
“Let’s see your documents!”
“Good God, why the rush? Who are you people?”
“We’re from the DRWE, doctor. Documents, please! Your National Identity Card, Affirmation of Human Status, and proof of Medical Check Confirming the Absence of the Werewolf Gene!”
“Alright, alright! Here you are, kind sir.”
“...”
“Your NIC and AHS are in order, but the Medical has not been cleared for this year!”
“Yes, yes, I mean to get around to it, but you understand... I have a practice...”
“Get it done, doctor! Or next time around you’ll go in the cage as well!”
“I’ll get it done this week, good sir.”
“Here are your documents. Good evening!”
“Yes, yes, good evening! And thank you!”
Copyright © 2006 by Slawomir Rapala
