Pushed to the Limitby Bonnie Gibson |
Table of Contents Part 4 appears in this issue. |
| part 5 |
Judy had talked to Brenda umpteen times about having sex before marriage and what it could mean to her life. Now it was all coming back to her.
Why didn’t I listen to Mom? What am I going to do? Brenda thought.
Brenda began to cry. She knew that she loved Billy but hadn’t realized how important other things were to her. She could only think Billy. She began to realize that if she were pregnant this would mean that she would still be pregnant the next school year. She couldn’t go to school pregnant. She was already put down enough by the other more popular girls at school. They would certainly have something to talk about now.
How am I going to break the news to Billy? She thought. How are we going to live? I can’t get a job to help out if I’m pregnant. No one in his or her right mind will hire a pregnant sixteen-year-old.
Brenda fell back asleep. She must have slept for an hour or so because when she awakened again she could smell breakfast cooking. This time it wasn’t a pleasant smell. She sat up in bed and got nauseated all over again. She ran to the bathroom, this time not throwing up anything but just heaving. Over and over, she heaved as if something needed to come out but wouldn’t.
I know I am pregnant now, she thought. I’ve got to tell Billy but it will be Friday before he gets to come back. I don’t know if I can wait that long. What if he gets mad? What if he leaves me? I can’t go through this alone. He just has to understand, after all, I didn’t do this all by myself.
Brenda’s mother called for her to come to breakfast. She went into the kitchen and sat at the table. Her mom took one look at her and said, “what’s the matter with you this morning?”
“I don’t feel well, Mom,” Brenda said, “may I please go back to bed?”
“Well I guess you can if you don’t feel like eating.” Judy said. “ What did you and Billy eat last night? You didn’t eat anything spoiled did you?” She asked.
“We just had burgers, the usual,” Brenda said. “I think I am just tired, Mom. I’ll be all right.”
Tired. Judy thought. The girl doesn’t know the meaning of tired. She needs to walk a day in my shoes, she’d know tired.
Brenda went back to her bedroom to think. She couldn’t bear to face her dad and mom. She just knew her face would tell off everything and the smell of the food was making her very sick. She lay on her bed and looked at the pictures on the wall. One picture was of her when she was only eight years old. Another was when she was fourteen. She looked at the cross-stitch that she had made in Bible School. Everything seems so different than it did the night before. Her world had changed. She picked up a book and began to read. Maybe this will help me to get my mind off of everything, she thought.
Archie walked in through the back door.
“Smells mighty good, Judy,” he said. “Where’s the girl? Isn’t she up yet?” He asked as he sat down at the table to eat.
“Yeah, she came in but didn’t feel well and I told her she could go back to bed.” Judy said.
“Hope she isn’t coming down with anything,” Archie said, “I sure don’t need a doctor bill this month. You have any jelly?”
“She said she is just tired,” Judy said laughing as she got up to get the jelly from the refrigerator. “Can you believe that!”
“Much as she runs, I guess I can,” Archie said, “but I’m sure it’s not from work. You need to make her help you more around here, Judy. You always made the others help you. These are really good cheese grits.”
“It’s not as much to do since all of them are gone,” Judy explained. While Janet was here she helped me a lot, and I miss that I guess. I’m glad Chad is back though, and they are together again. She was so lonesome here without him. Brenda was busy with Billy and didn’t have much time for Janet and Johnny.”
“Yeah, it won’t be too much longer that Brenda will be getting married and moving out. You know she’s going on seventeen now.” Archie said.
“Don’t remind me,” Judy said. “I don’t know what I’ll do when she leaves. Well we’ve at least got another year of school to go before that happens, don’t we?”
“Yes,” Archie said, “but it will pass fast. The years are flying by now, Judy. One year seems to be two. We’ll be old before you know it.”
Judy and Archie finished breakfast and went on about their day. Brenda was in her bedroom wondering what was about to take place in her life. She made a call to Cindy on the phone.
“Hi Cindy,” Brenda said.
“Well hello, what do I owe this honor to?” Cindy said.
“What do you mean?” Brenda asked.
“You never call me any more, Brenda. The only time I see you are in a couple of classes at school since football season is over. It’s as if you don’t even remember that I am alive,” Cindy said.
“I’m sorry, Cindy,” Brenda said. “I’ve just been so caught up with Billy and all. I didn’t mean to shut you out.”
“That’s okay,” Cindy said, “I forgive you, now what’s the matter, you don’t sound so good.”
“Can you come over here?” Brenda asked. “I need to talk to you.”
“Did you and Billy break up?” Cindy asked.
“No, we didn’t break up, but I do have a problem that I’d like to talk about.” Brenda said.
“All right, I’ll be over in a little while,” Cindy said.
“I’m in my room, don’t tell Mom I called you over, okay?” Brenda said.
“All right, Brenda, but you are scaring me now,” Cindy said.
“Just come as quick as you can,” Brenda said.
Brenda hung up the phone as her mother came into the bedroom. “Feeling better?” she asked.
“Yeah Mom, some better,” Brenda said. “I’m getting up now, I’m going to get a shower and maybe that will help me too.”
“I’m going into town, do you want me to wait on you to go with me?” Judy asked.
“No, I don’t think so,” Brenda said. “You go on, Mom, I’ll go with you next time.”
“Clean up your room now, when you get to feeling better,” Judy said. “Make sure you put all your dirty clothes in the washroom now.”
“All right, Mom,” Brenda said. “I will.”
Judy left for town and Brenda got into the shower. The warm water felt good to her as she stood with it hitting her right in the face. She let her long blond hair get soaked as she stood under the water. All the thoughts of last night and her conversation with Billy went through her mind, and then the morning events crept back into her mind.
I’m going to have a baby. I’m only sixteen years old. I’ll have a baby at seventeen. My life is over. What am I going to do? She thought.
She got out of the shower and got dressed. Cindy was coming over and she didn’t want to miss her. After she had gotten dressed and dried her hair, the doorbell rang. It was Cindy.
“Hi Cindy, come on in,” Brenda said. “Let’s go to my room.”
“What on earth is so important that you call me today?” Cindy asked.
“Cindy, I woke up this morning sick,” Brenda said.
“So. At least it was a holiday and we didn’t have to go to school,” Cindy said.
“No, you don’t get it Cindy. I had morning sickness,” Brenda announced.
Cindy threw her hand over her mouth in disbelief. She got up and closed the door to Brenda’s room.
“Mom’s not here,” Brenda said, “she’s gone to shop.”
“No way.” Cindy said. “No way you are pregnant. You mean...”
“Yes Cindy, Billy and I have been having sex for quite some time now,” Brenda said. “Cindy what am I gonna do?”
“You’re asking me?” Cindy said. “I don’t know, what is Billy saying about it?”
“He doesn’t know yet,” Brenda said. “This was my first time to have morning sickness. I haven’t seen him and won’t until Friday night.”
“Are you going to call him and tell him?” Cindy asked.
“No I don’t think so,” Brenda answered. “I want to wait so I can see his expression. I want to know how he really feels.”
“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” Cindy said. “But you don’t know for sure if you are pregnant. Just one time of being sick in the morning could be anything.”
“I checked the calendar,” Brenda said. “I have missed my period this month.”
“Oh no,” Cindy said. “but you still need to go to the doctor to find out for sure.”
“Will you go with me, Cindy?” Brenda asked.
“Of course I will Brenda,” Cindy answered. “When do you want to go?”
“I don’t know, maybe tomorrow during school we could walk down to the doctor’s office that’s near the school.” Brenda said.
“We’d have to have an excuse,” Cindy said. “The teacher won’t let us go without one.”
“I know,” Brenda said. “I’ll write you one and you write mine.”
“Do you think it will work? Cindy asked, “You know old Mrs. Sterling is pretty sharp. She’ll take one look at me and know I wrote the note.”
“No she won’t, she won’t know.” Brenda said. “We’ll just tell her that my mom wanted you to go with me to the doctor and that we’ll come right back to school as soon as we see him.”
“Okay, I hope you are right, because if my mom finds out my butt is grounded,” Cindy spouted. “Now I’ve got to get back home, Brenda. Mom wants me to help her out today since we didn’t have any school. She has to go to the grocery store and wants me to keep Jennie and Tommy for her so she won’t have to take them into the store.”
Cindy gave Brenda a hug. “I’m sorry this happened. I hope everything will turn out all right. When do you plan to tell your mom and dad?”
“Heavens, I don’t know Cindy, not too soon for sure. I want to tell Billy first and see what happens from there,” Brenda answered.
“Good luck,” Cindy smiled as she went out the door.
The girls proceeded to do as they planned. The next day at school they gave the excuses to the teacher and she let them go. Not without hesitation though. Cindy just hung her head and wouldn’t look up at Mrs. Sterling. Brenda wouldn’t look her straight in the eye.
“And what is wrong with you, Brenda, that you need to go to the doctor?” she asked.
“Well, um, I had an earache yesterday and I still had it this morning,” she answered. “Mom wanted me to see the doctor today but didn’t have time to take me herself.”
“Oh, I see,” Mrs. Sterling sneered. “Then you girls better come right back here when you get out of the doctor’s office, you hear me?”
“Yes ma’am,” they both answered and left quickly before she could change her mind.
“Boy, I didn’t think she was going to let us go, Brenda,” Cindy said.
“Well, I was getting pretty concerned myself there for a few seconds,” Brenda replied.
The girls walked down to the doctor’s office and signed in. The office was full of people. “Do you think we will ever get to see the doctor with all these people in here?” Cindy asked.
“Maybe it won’t take too long,” Brenda replied. “Old Mrs. Sterling may wet her pants if we don’t get back before long. You got any gum? My mouth is dry as cotton.”
“You’re just nervous, just calm down,” Cindy told her rumbling around in her purse. “Here, take this mint, it will help. Were you sick again this morning?”
“Yes I sure was. I thought Mom heard me throwing up. She came to the bathroom door and asked if I were all right. I managed to put on a good face and get out of the house without her knowing.”
It wasn’t long before the nurse came to the door and called, “Brenda Patrick.”
“I’m here.” Brenda yelled as she got up and went with the nurse turning to get one last look at Cindy before she went in. Cindy just smiled and waved.
“Good morning young lady,” Dr. Snider said as he came into the little room where Brenda was seated.
“Hi,” said Brenda.
“And what seems to be your trouble today?” he asked looking around the little room. “Where is your mom?”
“Mom couldn’t come, um, well, she doesn’t know that I am here, doctor,” Brenda quietly said.
“Then what can I do for you?” he asked, pulling his glasses slightly down over his nose, looking at her over the top of them.
“Well, um, I think I am pregnant. I have been having morning sickness and I, um, I missed my monthly,” she murmured.
“How old are you now, Brenda?” he asked.
“I’m sixteen, sir,” she answered.
“Doesn’t seem like that long I was delivering you,” he said smiling at her.
Brenda was so embarrassed. She couldn’t look Dr. Snider in the eyes.
“I’ll have the nurse do some blood work but I feel sure you are pregnant, with these symptoms,” he said.
The nurse came in and took blood from Brenda.
“I’ll let you know as soon as I get the results,” she said.
“Please don’t tell my parents,” she said. “I’ll come back and check in a few days.”
“You have to tell them eventually, you know, Brenda,” the nurse said.
“Yeah, I know, I will, but not right now,” she said.
Brenda left the room and went back out to the waiting area where Cindy was patiently waiting for her.
“What did he say?” Cindy asked excitedly.
“He said that I was probably pregnant and did some blood work. I’ll have to check back in a few days to find out for sure, but I know I am. I can just feel it.”
The two girls left the doctor’s office and started back to school. “I hope Mrs. Sterling won’t be mad at us for taking so long,” Cindy said. “I sure don’t want to get into any trouble.”
As they approached the school, Brenda stopped dead in her tracks and grabbed her mouth. “What is wrong with you? Cindy asked.
“Isn’t that your mother’s care over there?”
“Oh my gosh! I believe it is,” Cindy said. “Now what? What are we gonna do now?”
“I’m so sorry Cindy, I didn’t mean to get you into trouble,” Brenda said. “I’ll take the blame, it wasn’t your fault. You were just helping me.”
As they walked into the school both their mothers were seated on the bench just inside the door. “Where have you girls been?” Cindy’s mother growled.
Cindy looked at Brenda as if to ask, “Should I say?” Brenda nodded at Cindy.
“We went to the doctor.” Cindy answered her mother. “Brenda needed to go and I went with her.”
“Brenda, you and I need to sit down and talk,” Judy said.
“Yes, I know, Mom,” Brenda said. “But please let’s just go home, all right?”
“All right, Brenda, but when we get there you’ve got to talk to me,” her mother said.
The two mothers and daughters rode home together. It was a very long and quiet ride. No one said a word. Brenda was worried out of her mind about having to tell her mother that she was pregnant. She didn’t want to hurt her mother or her dad. She knew this was going to tear out their hearts. The car finally reached Brenda’s house. Judy thanked Cindy’s mom for giving her the ride. Brenda and her mother got out of the car and walked into the house. Brenda started to her room.
Her mother said, “Oh no you don’t. You sit right her on this couch and tell me what you did today and why you wrote an excuse to leave school.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I am so sorry,” Brenda said.
Brenda began to cry. She started sobbing so bad that she couldn’t talk.
“Brenda, calm down now,” her mother said. “It’s going to be all right.”
“No it isn’t.” Brenda said. “Mom, I’m pregnant.”
There was silence for a few seconds. Brenda looked up at her mom’s face. She was horrified at the look that her mom had on her face. It was a look of disbelief, of confusion.
“Mom,” Brenda said, “say something. Don’t just sit there. Yell at me. Anything.”
Judy couldn’t get a word out. It was as if her voice was taken away from her.
“Mom? Are you all right?” Brenda asked. “Please say something.”
Judy looked right at Brenda and said, “It’s my fault. I should have stopped you two from seeing each other so much. I knew better. I knew this was bound to happen. It’s all my fault.”
“No Mom, it’s not your fault,” Brenda said. “Please don’t cry. It’s my fault. I’m the one that knew better. You taught me everything Mom. You didn’t fail, it was me. I should have listened to you. It’s my fault and I won’t let you take the blame. I am so sorry Mom. I have failed you and dad.”
“Does Billy know?” Judy asked.
Copyright © 2006 by Bonnie Gibson
