Hard Bodies

by Eddy Burger

Part 1 appears
in this issue.

conclusion

It did occur to me that perhaps one explanation for such erratic behaviour was that the driver was visited while driving. Normally you wouldn’t stop to think whether this or that time was convenient for visiting or not, but the hardness of everything in this dimension created problems that didn’t exist elsewhere.

There were no vacant tables at the nicer sustenance provider so I sat with a group of people. But there in front of me, lying on the table — I kid you not — was a fish clothed in a piece of paper! It was just like me in my cocoon. “How silly to clothe yourself in paper!” I said. “You will suffocate! You should be in water!”

But while I was helping it out of the paper, the man beside me tried to grab it. “Give me back my fish!” he yelled.

With fish in hand, I leapt from the table. “If you are its guardian, why do you leave it to suffocate?! You hard-bodied maltreater!”

Everyone one was glaring at me.

“It’s dead!” the man said. “It was dead when I bought it.”

“Dead?”

I looked down at the poor lifeless form in my hands. Death was such a sad and horrible thing. The man snatched the dead fish back from me. I was appalled that anyone could treat the dead with so little reverence. Even I had been too rough with it. I felt terrible. I cried inside for that poor fish.

I left that heartless mob and joined the walkway crowd. Soon Sri appeared by my side. “I’ve been looking for you. And it’s just as well I found you. This place is like a war zone today — angry mobs everywhere. Your work called and said you were meant to come in today. Are you well enough to go to work?”

“To work what?”

“Are you fit to do your work?”

“I’m working alright.”

“You are sick.”

“I don’t think it’s me who is ailing!”

Sri looked surprised by my mood. She placed her hand on my arm. “Look...You work for a computer games company,” she said. “You are their alien designer. You spend most of the time creating monsters, spaceships and alien landscapes. The rest of the time you play games.”

“Is it illuminating?”

“You think it’s the best job in the world.”

Well, I didn’t really know what Sri was talking about but I asked her to show me where it was. On the way, she mentioned my visitation. “I had a strange dream before you left our house,” she said. “I dreamt that you had occupied my body while having a very strange conversation with Roseanne. One of the points you made was that you and I were lovers in an alternate universe.”

“That certainly was a strange conversation.”

“Yes it was.”

Then she kept looking at me in a queer way. It was very odd.

Eventually we arrived at a towering box-building. I thought it would have a very high ceiling inside but it was just full of smaller boxes, no higher than the ones at home. Then we walked into a very small box, crammed with silent people who stood facing the sealed entrance. Then the gravity fluctuated and the entrance opened. We were faced with the interior of an entirely different box.

“Are we in another world?”

“You could say that.”

So I grabbed Sri’s arm, said “I love you,” and tried to merge with her again.

She pushed me away. “Don’t do that! I’ll make allowances because you’re concussed, but don’t touch me again.”

She didn’t know what she was talking about. This world was just the same.

Soon we entered a box ten times wider than my bed-box. It was full of desks with things on them and people sitting on chairs. What’s more, these chairs had wheels!

Sri spoke quietly to a man she called Zing-fa. Then she left me there.

“I’m glad you could make it,” said Zing-fa.

“Make what?”

“What?”

“You’re crazy!”

“I see...Well, Engelbert, we were wondering if you could do some testing. We’re afraid that your monster, the Transcendental Masticator, might be too hard to defeat. We put it on level five of Bionic Toddlers, right after the crocodile plague sequence. Give it a go and see how you fare.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Play the game!”

“Oh. All right.”

I stood waiting for a game to begin but nothing happened.

“That’s your machine over there,” he said, pointing to a coloured-light thing and other strange bits. I sat on a wheel-chair and looked at the coloured light for a while. Then Zing-fa returned and pressed several buttons. “Call me if you need a hand.”

At the time I had no idea why I might be wanting another hand. The horrible truth soon became apparent.

The coloured-light thing now displayed a view to another world! I could see what looked like a small boy, covered with bits of metal, standing in the midst of a colourful landscape. But there was something unreal about its appearance. I tried to enter the boy’s body but I couldn’t. All I sensed was a conglomeration of electrical impulses and codes! This was the most unfeeling world I had yet encountered! Inter-world travel is — of course — always best attempted during sleep. Perhaps it wasn’t possible to travel through such a portal, anyway. I’d never seen anything like it.

So I watched this boy for a little while. He wasn’t doing anything but standing there and occasionally jiggling, but suddenly, to my horror, he was attacked by the most violent and unusual creature I had ever seen! It had grotesquely oversized claws and teeth, and overactive salivary glands! It was probably dehydrated and needed the boy’s blood.

“Run!” I cried. “Solid Run!”

But the boy was totally unresponsive! He just stood there while the creature tore him into a dozen pieces! It was horrific! I glanced around for Zing-fa, and then I saw him through an opening, looking at me with a big smile on his face! I couldn’t believe it! He was somehow instrumental in this slaughter! Worse still, I detected complicity in his smile. Was my other self also responsible for this vile horror?! Oh Shu!

Apprehensively, I turned back to the scene of the slaughter. There was the boy again, but he was standing just as before, without a mark on him! Nor was there any sign of the creature. Surely this was a different boy, though he looked identical.

But then the creature returned and attacked him again! Solid hard-bodies! What horror of horrors was I witness to?! What kind of macabre world was it where suffering was relived, over and over again?! I turned away from this detestable scene and sort respite elsewhere.

I entered the body of a horse that was running very fast. A woman in shiny clothes was sitting on us, hitting us with a stick. We were running on flat grass, beside a curved rail, and were being chased by lots of other mounted horses. Our woman jerked our head to the front just in time to see a huge barrier that was blocking our path. So we leapt into the air and flew over the barrier with ease.

We were soon faced with another, and flew over that one too. Then the rail and the grassy path straightened and we were whizzing past great walls of people who were yelling excitedly, spurring us on. They didn’t want the other horses to catch us. Neither did we. We ran like mad!

But then we passed a post that seemed to signal the end of the chasing. All the horses stopped running and headed for an opening close to the people-walls. So did we! Firm-concrete! We turned our head and bit our woman on the toe — “That’s for hitting us and making us run so fast for nothing!” I thought

We followed the other horses out through the gate and were met by dozens of excited people. They were all patting us and shaking the woman’s hand. Then she climbed off us and they continued to pat, shake and hug. So much pointless, shallow touching! Apparently we had won some kind of highly esteemed cup. Someone gave us water in a dirty bucket but I didn’t see a cup. We might have seen it later but I had to leave.

I looked at my body from the outside at first. I was laid out on the floor beside the desk with the portal, and many people were kneeling or standing beside me, looking very concerned. Then I entered and everyone sighed with relief. I stood up but everyone kept urging me to sit.

“What the solid’s going on?” I said.

“How are you feeling?” asked Zing-fa.

“As much as possible.”

“I see...Look, I’ve called an ambulance and Sri is on her way. You honestly appeared to be in a coma. You were totally unresponsive.”

“Of course! I was visiting.”

“Visiting?”

“Visiting other bodies! What else!”

Everyone looked stunned. It was as if I had said something outrageous. And then the terrible truth finally revealed itself to me. These people must never go visiting! It was as if the act was taboo! Good Gale! Roseanne must have been lying. She was ashamed to tell me. This world was so shallow and barren it was incomprehensible!

“I have to go,” I said.

“You’d better wait. I fear there’s something terribly wrong with you.”

“I’m not the impenetrable sick one!”

“We’re all very concerned about you. You’re like a father to us, you know. You’re the strength behind this company, our biggest gun, a true genius. And you’re a great guy to boot. You know we’ve nominated you for an award — the highest accolade in the industry!”

“I deserve no reward for my part in this treachery!” I spat.

I pushed my way through the crowd and walked hurriedly to the small conveyancing box. But just as I was about to escape from the unwanted attentions of this particular company, I was waylaid by a visitor. As you know, visitations can be accompanied by unusual behaviour if the visitor is from another world. Since I had not witnessed such behaviours, I was starting to think this world was completely closed off. Granted, the being who visited me was particularly adept at crossing boundaries. And they always had trouble adapting to humin specifications..

Zing-fa and associates rushed over to witness my gyrations. My body flopped forwards and backwards repeatedly. Then my head span around and I sprayed green vomit everywhere — over the people, the walls and the machines. Then I was levitated briefly, then I bent over backwards and walked in circles on my fingertips and toes.

“Are you all right!” asked Zing-fa hysterically.

“I’m fine. It happens all the time.” I managed to manoeuvre myself into the small box.

“You take care of yourself,” he called. “I’ll ring you later!”

My visitor soon departed and I was able to journey home quite swiftly. All the while I brooded over the depravity of these people. Visiting is the most liberating, educating and entertaining practice available to huminity. It seems criminal to deny it. Granted, it can be distracting when people are trying to get to know each other intimately and one of them starts spraying vomit everywhere. But everyone is so use to it happening, and no one has any secrets, anyway. The smallest get-together can be like a party.

I banged on the door of my building and Roseanne opened it. “Oh Engelbert, is you awright! We’ve all been awf’ly worried ‘bout you! Where’s Sri?”

“I couldn’t wait for her. I have to go to my box.”

I pushed past her, went to my box and I lay on the bed. No doubt, it was a strange angle to be at, but occasionally necessary in this world, given the heaviness of being. I was so tired of this hard-bodied world. I wanted to wake up in my own world!

On one other occasion I had woken up one too many times. It was a very different hyper reality. Not a world of hardness but rather of intensity. It was a fast evolving, highly energised and chaotic world.

There were humins there, but for some reason — a reason I have yet to understand — I was a gigantic electrified stork. This was my hyper-real self. I had special plumage that absorbed power from the energised air so that I was constantly surrounded by an aura of sparks and whenever I opened my beak I emitted a beam of energy that charred the landscape.

There were constant earthquakes and volcanic eruptions as mountains rose and fell, things exploded and humins were always catching fire and running around everywhere. We storks were quite impervious to it all, with our bodies high in the sky as our feet picked a path through the debris.

Giant bunnies were our greatest adversaries. They always attacked in large numbers, and although we and the bunnies were — of course — soft bodied, they had a way of swamping us and asphyxiating us with all their fur.

On one occasion, bunnies attacked a group of humins who had been enslaved by some mystic lemurs to grow crystals. The bunnies didn’t know that we storks were so close by. Storks cared about humins. Perhaps all storks had some inkling of our shared primordial roots. So when the mountain that was blocking our view fell, we could see the wicked bunnies, and in a few quick strides, we were upon them with our beams blazing.

But a bunch of bunnies bunched about me. I managed to expel them, but as they regrouped, ready to pounce as one great asphyxiating mass, fate turned in my favour. The air around the bunnies had become so charged that when a nearby humin suddenly ignited, the whole bunny-bunch exploded into a great fireball. Little remained of them but the stench of burnt fur. The rest of the bunnies retreated, realising that fate was against them on that fateful day.

I was afraid I would never get back to my own world. Obviously I did, however my present circumstances were very different. In this world I was a man and my name was Engelbert. And in this world, I was deprived of my senses. In sleep lay my only hope of ever returning.

There was a knock on my door. It was Sri. She came in and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Oh Engelbert, you shouldn’t have run off like that. I must ring for a doctor immediately!”

“I am as well as possible!”

“I don’t think you realise how sick you are.”

“Leave me alone!” I turned away from her but she grabbed my hand and held it tightly.

“Engelbert! I’m so worried about you. I never realised before today just how fond I am of you.” Then she threw her arms around me and started to sob. Good Gale! Her touch seemed so unfeeling. It made me cringe.

“You do love me, don’t you?” she blurted.

“I am fond of you...but I need to sleep. Please go!”

“You’ll see a doctor when you wake?”

“I don’t heavy-well need to see no hitting-hard solid shallow doctor!”

“What?”

But I realised that the only way to ever be rid of her was to feign submission. “I’ll see a doctor tomorrow,” I said. Of course, I hoped to Shu that by morning I would have left this firm contemptible world.

She wiped the tears off her face and walked to the door. “I’ll be coming in to check on you while you sleep.”

Then she was gone. Thank Shu! Although I had loved her passionately in my former life, the prospect of such a shallow and unfulfilling relationship filled me with loathing.

It wasn’t long before I was asleep. My embittered spirit departed and desperately pressed upon the boundaries of space. But to no avail! Again I found myself in this world, in mildly pretty surroundings.

I had entered a body that was lying on the beach of some tropical island somewhere, and we were watching a sunset while sipping a Pina Colada. Our head was resting on the lap of a woman who was massaging our chest with oil. At least she was clothe-less. But the touch of her hands made me sick! I was appalled by our hardness of flesh! I was appalled by the hard-bodied hardness of everything! This world was a prison! It was hell!