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by Channie Greenberg

WANTED: GREAT, EXCEPTIONAL STORIES

The hottest news system in this arm of Andromeda, The Federated Brassicaceae, is seeking the most exceptional stories you have to offer. Although we’re best known for our reports on celebrity mollusks from Wolf-Lundmark-Melott and for our scoops on those intrepid, but beloved, two headed politicos from Dwingeloo II, The Brassicaceae also runs great stories on ordinary citizens’ problems and achievements. After all, our middle name is “sympathy.”

More specifically, we are looking for articles about:

heroes warring against the microbes of The Far Elliptical Galaxy
pets suitable for the gelatinous population of NGC 1532
therapeutic miracles capable of reversing the redox reactions performed by the dragons of the Draco Dwarf System

devotion, especially as worship is manifested by those tiny, single-person space ships that can travel without refueling for over a week
survival in the shopping districts of Canis Major and of Leo II
muxe role models
blood saving in silicon-based types.

Our organization will provide any capable freelancers with competitive compensation, payable in your choice of minor asteroids, titanium bullion, or frozen Swamp Thing viscera (fresh from the Pinwheel Galaxy). If you are a professional writer, we will consider hiring you to produce articles in your choice of hydrofluoric acid etchings, ice code, or standard paddle. Otherwise, we will reimburse you just for making us aware of a story idea that leads to a Brassicaceae article.

If you want more guidance on the types of stories we are seeking, take a look at the label on any polyethylene container of kraut. Folks with stories about human intelligence or about the Milky Way’s potential to support life need not apply. We are an excited information source, not some marketplace rag!

Again, if you know of a great species-interest piece, send us a brief summary– a few blips and scratches will do. Further, if possible, please forward the livers or others of the detoxification glands of any prior journalists that have published on the topic. Our email is:
poweredbygas@federated.com.