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Triumphant Futures

by Thomas R.

Debut editorial by Sally Wilson from Triumphant Futures.
Found in Universe 306XB by multi-scope.

We are pleased to report Triumphant Futures is righting the ship and continuing onward toward a glorious future. We know that the actions of our previous editor, Gerald Donner, may have damaged the trust you had in us, but we are happy to report he has since been sent into exile for his crimes against the American Empire. We also inform you that the following members of his stable of authors had to be terminated.

Brian Berry: The Imperial court convicted him of aiding an extremist organization that kidnaps “red savages” from their concentration camps and escorts them to England. He also contacted one of these savages, a Navajo, and gave him access to his brother’s velocipede as the English have not banned them for being obsolete.

In addition to this proof it surfaced that Mr. Berry’s stories have subtle traces of pessimism and sympathy for heathen religions. Mr. Berry did show some nobility in that by selecting a firing squad as his method of termination he ensured that some of his organs would still be usable by loyal citizens.

Theodore Rivers: He escaped from the stable where the writers are kept and during his period as a fugitive entered into an illicit marriage with a Chinese girl. This is not a crime serious enough for termination in itself, but he also impregnated the girl and admitted to being a member of the clandestine Roman Catholic Church rather than the American Patriotic Catholic Church.

For attempted mongrelization of the races, attempted as the pregnancy was aborted by the local authorities, and belonging to a transnational organization he was sentenced to death by hanging. His works have not been found to contain anything seditious, but they are nevertheless to be shelved.

Jerome White: The Imperial court convicted him of distributing reactionary literature to America’s youth. His distribution of unabridged works from the “United States” period of history, such as “The Federalist Papers” and the works of Ben Franklin, led to further charges that he belonged to “The Sons of the Congress.” He was not convicted of that crime so was allowed to choose a painless form of death surrounded by his loved ones.

The law does not allow women to be terminated except in cases where they take arms against the Empire; for that reason, all our ladies remain alive. That stated, we have removed all of them from the stable for having relations with the previous editor.

The removal process has made prosecuting them for actual crimes difficult, but the Citizen Emperor has agreed to the decision. Although we hope to add new ladies to our stable to take their place, we feel no urgency in this. An all-male stable seems suited to our readership and to my current desires for the magazine.

Lest you think all the changes to come are simply removing past taints, fear not! We have a variety of new features planned and we have added new men to my stable. First and foremost we are bringing back the Letters columns. Letters are a wonderful way for you to tell us what writers you like and what writers you deem suspicious. They also give us a better sense of how our readers think and how we should respond to that. As is standard, letters become the property of Triumphant Futures, a division of Imperial Futurism Publications.

In addition we will have a new column devoted to invention and exploration. You will read about the technology allowing us to fulfill our destiny as a people. Whether it’s conquering Colombia or the Moon, new chemicals that make coolies work faster, or devices that make your beer get cool faster, you’ll read it in our pages first! Look for “Onward and Upward” in the next issue.

Finally there are the new writers I am very excited to acquire for my stable. Joe Barfield is an exciting young man whose stories simmer with battles, inventions, strong competent men, and all the other things that make our Empire great.

Kevin Englund has made a name for himself with his stories of biologically engineered dragons that help us fight heathens and socialists. Now he puts that same wonderful imagination to a new series of space adventures he calls “Hammer to the Gods.” Unlike the late unlamented Mr. Berry, he puts those pagans in their place!

We hope you enjoy the coming changes in future issues and will continue to support our magazine. All Hail the Future, All Hail the Empire, and May Destiny always favor the Strong!

Copyright © 2010 by Thomas R.

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