Batsquatch

by Richard Stevenson


Yeah, look out, baby, here I come!
Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba Ba-Ba-Batsquatch!
Got black leather bat wings, a wing span
that puts yer condor in the shade.

Yer right to be afraid. Be ve-ry afraid!
I ain’t no vegetarian ’squatch coolin’ my thews
in billabong or bog, dawg; I’m a swoop-
from-a-top-tree-branch-and-grabya kinda guy.

Yeah. Ba-Ba-Batsquatch. Yer sasquatch/bat
hybrid timber cruiser with all
the creature features. Got a face full of teeth,
vampire bat nose, horrid shriek...

You’ll hear me, but you won’t see me
for more than the second or three it takes
to swoop down and snatch you
off yer pegs. Oh yeah, be afraid.

(Chorus, female back-up singers)

Ba-Ba-Batsquatch
Sasquatch body
Black Bat wings.
Mt. St. Helen’s spewed him up
Now he’s got the drop on you.

Ba-Ba-Batsquatch. Badass mutant hominid
Ba-Ba-Batsquatch. Suck my exhaust, Skunk Ape,
Sasquatch, Yeti, Bigfoot... I’ll drop y’all some neck bones
when the snow flies and yer out of roots and berries.

Ba-Ba-Batsquatch. Badass booger crooner
when the moon is full. One look at my
blood-red eyes and yer paralyzed.
Best keep one eye to the skies.

Keep close to the treeline. Hope I’m
sufficiently sophontsified as I glide by.
Should it suddenly get dark and there
ain’t no cumulonimbus clouds about,
run for cover. A helmet’s just
a bottle cap to me. Yer head pops off
as easily with or without, and I do like
a sanguine shake now and again. I do.

Ba-Ba-Batsquatch
Sasquatch body
Black bat wings.
Mt. St. Helen’s spewed him up
Now he’s got the drop on you.

Yeah. Say it loud. I’m ’squatch and I’m proud!
Ba-Ba-Batsquatch. Ba-Ba-Badass booger dude
Ba-Ba-Batsquatch. L-l-love f-f-fast food,
bovine or human on the hoof.

Ba-Ba-Batsquatch. Badass mutant booger.
Ba-Ba-Batsquatch. Timber toothpick flosser.
Got to- got to- got to get some take-out now.
Ain’t no Bigfoot tosser. Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Batsquatch.


Copyright © 2016 by Richard Stevenson

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