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I Don’t Believe in Ghosts

by Stephen Ellams

Sitting directly opposite her at the Crucible Theatre, Sheffield, 2007,
watching a production of Peter Shaffer’s play
Amadeus.

I don’t believe in ghosts,
Just as you don’t believe in us.
I am dispirited,
Salieri less the bitterness,
Immersed in my own misery.

The patron saint of mediocrity
Speaking directly to me!
Anxiety lines,
Enigmatic smile
Spouting harsh realities.

Never was your everything
Just tragically beautiful
In your eyes
Three candles, exposed and naked,
Wishes that were denied.

My opposing angel,
How can you sit there
Unruffled, stage-lit
Parading your wings
Secure in your skin?

As for myself,
I am at odds with the world,
God knows, an imposter.
One final performance
Before I relinquish this chair.

So, straight through you I stare,
Pincers clutching a cross,
Scant protection,
All courage is lost.
My vision is blurred.

You are not of this world,
Love’s apparition.
Thrice I will deny you,
My death-bed confession
Before the cockerel stirs.

So, when our final curtain falls
To sympathetic applause,
I pray that you’ll vanish
Into the ether.
Eidolon, haunt me no more.

View the seating plan at the Crucible Theatre...


Copyright © 2018 by Stephen Ellams

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