Easy Money From Your Couch

by Kayvan Litke-Farzaneh

easymoney writes:

MemoryPlay is paying $12,500 for just 30 minutes of sitting at home!!! Work for only a couple hours a day, be your own boss, and have more time for yourself! Just last week I earned $14,404, enough to buy myself a sweet Yamaha SuperSheek-9! I made bank without breaking a sweat, and so can you!!! Find me on the Imaginarium@easymoney.

[3262081.1455UTC]

[User gregjhendricks has logged on]

“Hey. My name’s Greg. Are you ‘easymoney’?”

“Ya... I am he, but the name be pronounced ee-ya-see mo-nay.”

“Oh, huh, I thought it was just an online pseudonym or something since you’re advertising how easy it is to—”

“It’s a goddamn real name! Jesus, how many times I gotta tell ya people?? It’s from Cameroon. Old like. Now whatchu want, chizzy?”

“Huh... that’s interesting. Yeah, okay, sorry... so umm, I saw your comment on a Textile feed? It was at the bottom of a story about UNIFTA pulling out of Mexico and the northbound supply lines? And, well, it got my attention because it was flashing.”

“Flashing?”

“Yeah, the comment. It was blinking with neon lights.”

“Ahhh that’s right. Ya gotta pay extra for that.”

“You can pay Textile for that? Woah. So you have a lotta money, huh?”

“Yaaah, bud. You could say I got the connects. But hey, remind me of that ad... I put a lot out, ya know... so many ways to make cash, gotta let the peoples know so I can help ’em, right? Lotta people strugglin’ these days.”

“Okay, yeah. That’s what I’m looking for. The ad was for something called Memory Play, I think? Please, I need some quick cash before we’re completely cut off. I was hauling water until recently, but this news has got the control company spooked.”

“Ah, yas in a bad situation, huh? Where ya hittin’ me from?”

“Idaho.”

“Oooooeeeeee, them Memory guys pay extra for the Yankees. We been hearin’ bad things comin’ from that area. But how old ya is, Greg?”

“I’m 41.”

“Hm, thass a little tough. Right on the edge, eh?”

“Edge of what?”

“Rememberin’, Greg!”

“Remembering? You mean before—?”

“Yaaah, Greg. B’fore it all started. They pull all those rememberins from back then. Them rich clients out in Kinshasaville can see it and feel it on the Imaginarium. Better than gold to them, Greg. They just love that retro shizz. You can make a loootta money that way. You ’member something from then, yeah?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I... I remember...”

[3262081.2031UTC]

“Greg, ya still there?”

“Yes, Eyasi. I’m here.”

“Ya went silent on me, got me thinkin’ ya wasn’t serious. Ya gots to be serious about this, ya know?”

“Yeah. No. Of course. It was just my daughter, she’s... well, yeah, I’m serious, Eyasi. I need the money and I need it fast. Please.”

“Y’ain’t pulling my legs, are ya Greg? You want this, yeah?”

“Yes, Eyasi. The control company is pulling out. We lose access to basic goods once they’re out of here, and I need a way to get out. Here, I’ll turn on the neurovisuals so you can see what I’m dealing with.”

[Neurovisual link complete]

“Ey, Jesus. This your home, Greg?”

“Yes.”

“You need to clean up or something, chizzy. You got trash and dust everywhere. Your windows got no windows.”

“The house is the least of our problems, Eyasi. I’m talking about our lives. You’ve got to give me a chance at this. You can see how bad it is here.”

“You Yankees are in a bad position. Idaho, eh? I like to help ya’ll when I can. So I’ll tell ya how to get the hookups with MemoryPlay, but only as long as ya is sure ya remember, understand? If ya don’t remember them good Yankee times, then bad things happen.”

“Bad things? What do you mean?”

“I mean like tha MemoryPlay guys don’t actually play, Greg. I tell ’em ya got tha Yankee memory with tha green grass, tha roads that end in a circle, tha colorful childrens who run around till the sun go down. And MemoryPlay, they get excited by that. But, if ya don’t come through and they sees it as a bad referral and a waste of their time, then they gonna get disappointed and who they gonna lash at? You... and then me!”

“So, I gonna ask ya again. Are. Ya. Sure?”

“Yeah. Yes. I’m sure. I have memories from before the collapse. They’re not perfect like that, but they’re Yankee, all right.”

“Okay, okay. Go head and unlock ya geotag and Social Security so I can verify ya is who ya says ya is. I take it and I pass it along. I tell you when they confirm and then you send me ya bank account details so I can transfer tha money. Now, listen close: they comes to ya right where ya is. Next round of pickups is in two days. That’s Thursday. They come in via private airspace. Nothin’ ya need to do other than wait.

“Okay, Eyasi. Thank you. I need this. Thank you.”

[3302081.822UTC]

“Ey, Greg! You get it?? You make some cash like I said ya would? Shared them Yankee memories?”

[Laughter]

“What’s so funny, Greg? Tell me!”

“I killed them, Eyasi.”

“WHAAT??? Ya jokin’ wit me, now. Be serious, eh? They run the extraction or what?”

“I am being serious, Eyasi. I lied to you, earlier. About remembering the good times, I mean. I can’t remember any of it. Never could. Got my memory wiped at some point. Not sure if I sold it or just got hit upside the head a little too hard. All I got left are some glimpses here and there and the feeling of rain and some smells. That’s about it. But the MemoryPlay people always carry a few previous extractions. So I killed the leeches and took them. You want to feel the blood? It’s still warm.”

“Nononono. Ya crazy. Eyy Jesus! Why?? Gonna get me killed, and I just tryin’a help ya. You done this before, haven’t ya?”

[Laughter]

“Well, I haven’t had to haul water in a long time. The company doesn’t keep track of casualties anymore. Lots of identities to reuse.”

“So ya is a pirate. I shoulda known. Friends always be telling me, ‘Eyasi, you are waaayy too trusting.’ Now look where it’s gotten me. I’m done. And what ya gonna do now, eh, Greg? Of course that’s not ya real name. But what the hell ya gonna do? They closing all da supply lines, like ya said. Leaving all ya’s with nothing but the dust and sand. How ya supposed to help ya daughter now, eh??”

“My daughter left this life some time ago, Eyasi. And I don’t actually need the money. I didn’t lie about the company pulling out. There’s nothing to buy. Money’s got no use anymore. I just want the memories for myself, so I can enjoy my last few weeks. I’ve got a generator, a connection, and enough legit extractions to waste away in the past. That’s about as good a life as any right now.”

“They gonna kick ya from the Imaginarium. You knows the rules, eh? Jesus, you is crazy. Damn pirates. This is what I get for tryin to help people and tellin’ ’em my secrets an’ shizz.”

“Don’t be angry, Eyasi. I appreciate you helping me out. If I could give you one piece of advice, though: go underground for a while. Maybe get your family to lay low, too, if you have one. Like you said, those MemoryPlay collectors don’t mess around.”

“Oh gods. You one of them psychopaths. Why me, Greg?? Why ya gotta screw me, when all I was tryin’ to do was help ya out?”

“Because you’re just like the rest of them. You sit back, all comfortable in the green belt, while the rest of us sell off every last scrap of what we have left, just so people in Kinshasaville can ‘Experience Everything.’ They snuggle up in the Imaginarium and have any life they want, when they already have it all, Eyasi. I never understood that... Why can’t they be satisfied with a single life, when the rest of us barely have one to begin with? They can walk through our memories and still aren’t learning from our mistakes. There has to be a limit to wanting, Eyasi. A limit to greed. Makes me sick.”

“We just getting ours, Greg. That’s it. How you blamin’ us for ya’ll’s problems? How can you blame me?? I’m doin’ my best here. And ya make yaself sound better, but it’s pretty obvious you haven’t learned jack, Greg. You a murderer.”

“Listen: I’m doing you a favor, Eyasi. I’m giving you a chance to get out before you get locked and gagged for a bad referral. You’ve got about 90 minutes before those dirtbags show up at your front door. Anyway, you shouldn’t take all this so personal; we’re all just making a living, right? Anyway, I need to go clean up this blood before I settle in. Might be able to trade it for something good, if I’m quick. Goodbye, Eyasi.”

[User gregjhendricks has logged off]