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Getting Prince Charming’s Rejects

Oh sure, all the beautiful women want Prince Charming to come along, kiss them, ask them to marry him, live happily ever after, yadda, yadda, yadda. That guy has made it tough for not quite charming men like me to find a beautiful woman to marry.

And he’s not even the authentic Prince Charming. The real Prince Charming married Sleeping Beauty ages ago and looks more like Humpty Dumpty nowadays. He has five sons; Randolf. Gregory, John, Andrew, and Charles. He also has three daughters; Juliet, Helen, and Grace. I wouldn’t mind being a frog in their presence for them to kiss. But they attract guys from all over. Who wouldn’t want to marry a daughter of one of the most handsome men and most beautiful women in the world?

Competing against a quintet of hunks is bad enough. But there are over a dozen cousins that are Charmings and scores of pretenders. But do women want to hear the man sweeping them off their feet is just another pretty face? Of course not. And since there are only so many Prince Charmings to go around and way more beautiful women than they can marry without committing adultery or bigamy, I’m left with the rejects.

Some of the women are bitter. I don’t mean just disappointed that they weren’t chosen to be a bride of Prince Charming. Some are psychos. I remember meeting one of these rejects who wanted to cut my heart out. I tried to reason with her, but she was a whack job. She came at me with a sword and I had no choice but to battle it out with her. She fought like a woman possessed. I had to slice her hand open to force her to drop her blade and then I slugged her. I knocked her unconscious and thought about giving her a kiss before I left. But I was afraid it might revive her and I’d have to punch her out again. So I escaped and put as many miles between us as possible before stopping for the night.

Wouldn’t you know it, but one of the Prince Charmings had broken three hearts at an inn where I decided to stay the night. But unlike the woman I escaped from, those three women needed companionship and I was latched onto almost instantly. I saw them crying at a table in the corner of the dining room and I introduced myself. They confided in me and I provided the shoulders to cry on. I understood their heartache and really listened to them. I don’t mean I said uh-huh and shook my head at appropriate times. I was genuinely interested in them. They needed to be consoled and I was more than willing to comfort them. I spent most of the night up in their room providing hands-on comforting, if you know what I mean.

The next morning at breakfast, you couldn’t find three happier women than Carolyn, Mary, and Sharon. I was honest with them. I told them they were wonderful women that would make three men very happy. I just wasn’t one of the men. But we could remain friends. We send each other letters nearly every week. Who knows? I might even marry one of them. They’re really sweet ladies that need to meet men who will treat them right.

I’ve met women who were infatuated with a Prince Charming. I pity some of them. They spend most of their lives wanting to meet a Prince Charming, fall in love with him, and live happily ever after. But when he doesn’t even give them the time of day, sometimes they’re shattered. At least I’m sometimes there to pick up the pieces. But I try not to lead any of them on. I don’t want them to kill themselves. They can always call me or contact me on the Internet.

Over the years I’ve met some stunning looking ladies. But I know they could never be satisfied with me. They were rejected by Prince Charming and now they think only another Prince Charming will do. They may say it doesn’t matter, but it matters. I can tell it from the way they kiss. It’s as if we were brother and sister. I hate that. She may look outstanding, but I know I’m the consolation prize. In fact, I’d rather kiss my sister at times than have a woman go through the motions of showing affection. At least I love my sister. At best, I’m deeply “in like” with these women.

On a few rare occasions I’ve met a woman who has rejected a Prince Charming. It could be because the guy was a jerk. I really don’t know the reason except what she tells me. Maybe they figure Prince Charming considers them a conquest and they want to beat him to the punch by rejecting him before he rejects them. I admire them and hope they meet the guys that are exactly right for them.

As long as I follow in the wake of a Prince Charming I’ll meet his rejects. I keep in touch with many of them. A few of them are wonderful ladies any Prince Charming would be crazy to reject. But they’re rejected just the same. Maybe one of them will finally forget about Prince Charming and go for someone who isn’t a prince. But I consider myself charming enough. I’m more than a cheap substitute one of Prince Charming’s rejects will have to be satisfied with. If someday I meet a gorgeous woman who has never heard of Prince Charming and she wants me because I’m me, it could very well be happily ever after time.

Copyright © 2005 by Bewildering Stories on behalf of the author

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