Steven Utley writes about...

Rumors of a Wonder Woman movie persist. It is surely only a matter of time before DC Comics’ Amazing Amazon does show up in a major Hollywood movie — and what’s a major Hollywood movie any more without a Theme Song that can be played over the end credits and then over and over and over on the radio until everyone’s sick to death of it by the time it wins an Oscar? Well, dear hearts, I mean to write that Theme Song — in fact, I have already written it!

There’s no mistaking Mary Worth
Or Little Orphan Annie
For the strongest girl on Earth
With stars upon her fanny.

Wonder Woman — what a gal!
There is no lady bolder!
The girls all want her for their pal,
The men just want to hold her.

She bounces bullets off her wrists,
And with her magic lasso
She hardly even needs her fists
To subdue any assho’.

Her mother is the mighty queen
Of Amazons — all women,
Who keep themselves mean and lean
With martial arts and swimmin’.

If Wonder Woman were my squeeze
And let me ride her kanga,
We’d visit any place we please
And stop and dance the tanga.

And, later, when the moon was up,
She’d take off her tiara,
And she would call me Buttercup
And I’d call her Mi cara.

Naturally, if the Wonder Woman movie is a hit, Time Warner, which owns DC Comics, would want to follow through with a movie featuring another superheroine, and a good candidate is the abundantly endowed Power Girl. Anticipating this development, I have a Theme Song ready.

Power Girl, you mighty maiden,
Aren’t you somewhat overladen?
When you capture crooks and thugs,
Are they knocked out by your jugs?
Airborne, you afford a glimpse
Of something like a pair of blimps
To all us upward-peering fellahs
And our girlfriends, who are jealous.

Big time, here I come!

Copyright © 2004 by Steven Utley