Boldly Going Nowhere

by Oonah V. Joslin

Sometimes it’s tough to be a writer, even if three heads are better than two.


“It’s an M class planet obviously.”

“Yes, maybe that’s just a little too obvious?”

“Well, it has to be in the Goldilocks zone, otherwise it can’t sustain life.”

“Depends what you mean by life.”

“I see. You’re thinking non-humanoid. Silicone?”

“Been done.”

“Crystalline...”

“Been done too.”

“Gaseous — don’t tell me!”

“They even had an oil slick once. A.I., Cyborg, Lizard, Spider, Cat — been done.”

“Half-fish? Half-frog?”

“Any advance on quarter-reindeer?”

“Don’t be flippant.”

“Well it’s kinda hard...”

“Think paycheque — it gets easier!”

“Okay back to the planet: we’ll classify it as habitable or hospitable or sustainable or something.”

“Blue. Let’s call it Blue.”

“Sounds okay to me.”

“But has it been done?”

“Dunno.”

“Me neither.”

“So this Blue planet... Dysphraxia is...”

“You can’t call it dysphraxia. That’s a learning difficulty or something.”

“Isn’t that dyspraxia?”

“Thought it was dyslexia.”

“Let’s avoid them all!”

“T-Loxa Prime.”

“You can’t have anything Prime. It’s so derivative!”

“T-Loxa then, on its own.”

“It’s still a bit lacking.”

“How?”

“Well, starting with a letter and then the hyphenated adjunct and does it have to have an X or Z in it? Everybody does that.”

“Who, for instance?”

“Yes, him too!”

“Chactatoo Leony Fa.”

“Bless you!”

“Ha, very Ha — the name of the place.”

“Mmm, maybe we could just use the first bit for the name of the new world and save the second bit for the name of our main character.”

“So our ship flies to Chac-tatoo where we meet Leony Fa?”

“Right.”

“One thing: Leony Fa.”

“What about him?”

“Two names.”

You’ve got two names haven’t you? I have two names...”

“That’s my point.”

“How about we run them together then — LeonYfa — Leoneefa; like that?”

“Better.”

“Marginally...”

“What’s he look like?”

“Does he have to be a ‘he’?”

“Could be an ‘it’, I suppose.”

“Hermaphrodite alien?”

“Been done?”

“Bisexual, asexual, males giving birth... It’s all been done. But I like it.”

“Yeah. Hermaphrodite could be kinda fun.”

“Especially with our gay captain Frange and his nymphomaniac first officer Jessie Plessey eh?”

“Is this Sci-Fi or Chick Lit?”

“Enough! There’s a deadline...”

“All right. I have an idea. Leoneefa’s kinda elastic and it glows blue or pink depending on what mood it’s in.”

“Blue or pink as in male/female... Way too cliché!”

“But we have to give the audience something they identify...”

“I could live with an orange to green shift...”

“Orange to green it is.”

“How’s it look when it gets angry?”

“Angry, I suppose.”

Paycheque!

“So they land on this New World. What happens next?”


Copyright © 2010 by Oonah V. Joslin

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