Challenge 424 Response

“Two Minutes in Tomorrow”

with Carmen Ruggero

In Donna Hole’s “Two Minutes in Tomorrow”:

Tommy experiences a series of time jumps that anyone might normally find scary, let alone perplexing; and yet Tommy adapts well to them, almost with equanimity. How does the story prepare the reader to accept Tommy’s presence of mind?
Tommy’s uncle borrows the old dueling pistol. The action is unaccounted for [...] And yet the uncle returns the pistol in time for Peter to find it and take it to school. [...] Could the plot be developed in another way?
Would you prefer a resolution rather than the “open” ending? What kind would you prefer: tragic or comic?

I had trouble following the action. In several passages Tommy suddenly finds himself somewhere else at another time; for example, he enters a closet and finds himself outdoors, presumably on the following morning. That scene change as well as others are meant to be the effects of a time warp, but they’re more confusing to the reader than they are to Tommy.
The story also has some actions that are crucial but unexplained:
- How does Tommy figure that Peter has run home to get his father’s pistol?
- Why does Tommy’s uncle borrow the pistol and then return it?
Perhaps the author made notes of these ideas but forgot to work them into the plot, for example:
- “Make sure Tommy has a reason to think that Peter knows about the gun and will go looking for it.”
- “Make the gun disappear temporarily and then bring it back so Peter can find it.”
As it is, the actions are merely coincidences; they just happen, for no reason.
The open ending does not work. It could succeed only if all the preceding actions were logically connected and believable. I do imagine that the outcome will be tragic, and I agree with Don: it can’t be left hanging.

An open ending works only when it’s obvious, when the plot is so tightly constructed that a surprise ending would be unprepared and incredible. That’s not the case in “Two Minutes...” The story is simply unfinished; it leaves the readers wondering what Tommy will do next.

[Donna Hole] Thank you, Carmen, for your thoughtful response. I realized when I submitted the story that its concept might not appeal to every reader. I appreciate that you read the entire story and took the time to craft an honest, constructive critique based on the challenge questions asked. I value your feedback and will take these insights into consideration in future writings of this type. I look forward to any other feedback you may have on my future submissions. Again, thank you for your response.