The Abduction Chronicles

Fighting Like We Mean It

by Charles C. Cole

The Abduction Chronicles: synopsis

People who have been abducted by space aliens try to come to terms with their situation and with each other.

Abby: Richard, you hanging in there?

Richard: Me? I can do this all night. They ain’t seen nothing yet!

Abby: Don’t provoke them. It’s not worth it.

Richard: Not worth it? Abby, I’m doing it for you.

Abby: Fighting? Yelling?

Richard: Resisting. Fighting back.

Abby: You slapped me!

Richard: You were trying to calm me down. I didn’t need calming down.

Abby: You were completely out of control!

Richard: I was completely in control, but they didn’t know it. That’s what they want to see, how emotionally primitive we humans are, so I gave them a show. Good for me.

Abby: But you slapped me.

Richard: Honey, after they’ve taken us back home and tucked us in, you won’t remember any of this. That’s their M.O. That’s how this alien abduction racket works. You know I’m right.

Abby: But you hit me!

Richard: So hit me back. No harm, no foul. In the morning, we get a cosmic do-over. Besides, you always say my emotions are bottled up. Well, here I go, I’m letting the “passion genie” out of the bottle.

Abby: You don’t have to like it.

Richard: Like it? Are you kidding me? Have I ever hit you before?

Abby: You slammed the door once.

Richard: Oh my God, why didn’t you call the cops? And, as I recall it, you left it wide open. While you were unloading groceries from the car. In a snowstorm. While I was sick at home. With a fever.

Abby: Can we stop fighting? Please.

Richard: Sure. Only, then I think about how we got here, and that it’s hopeless.

Abby: But we can fight back, that’s the point.

Richard: How?

Abby: By not fighting!

Richard: Abby...

Abby: You want my opinion? They’re bored. What have they learned since Roswell? Not much if they keep doing the same monotonous thing. They quit being scientists with Betty and Barney Hill in 1961. They’re looking for entertainment now. Say hello to the modern day Punch and Judy Show.

Richard: So what do we do? Protest with a nonviolent sit-in?

Abby: I’m open to suggestions.

Richard: They’re watching us. Take advantage of it: give them disinformation. I love you so much that I’d sacrifice my life for yours. But why give them an edge? Why let them toy with us by threatening one or the other of us and seeing how we protect our own?

In the end, our humanity will be our downfall, if it ever comes to an all-out invasion. I can hear it now: “Lay down your weapons and surrender or we’ll vaporize your children.” So don’t show them one moment of compassion. Be hateful and spiteful and violent toward each other. Because, if they think we won’t stand together, every man for himself, maybe we’ll have an edge.

Abby: So we fight each other? That’s your brilliant idea?

Richard: For now: fight now so we can fight later. Honey, you forget, these alien pricks are going to erase tonight right out of your pretty little mind. Because, God knows, if they don’t, then we’ll tell the world all about them and ruin their “big surprise” later.

Abby: We have to yell?

Richard: And cuss. Unless you want to go back to the Punch and Judy Show.

Abby: I really don’t; it’s like we’re becoming my parents, but...

Richard: But?

Abby: It’s probably more convincing than ranting and raving alone.

Richard: That’s the woman I adore.

Abby: And we won’t feel it in the morning?

Richard: Nope. That’s what their high-tech gizmos are for: “Maybelline cover-up for the 24th Century.”

Abby: We won’t remember?

Richard: Nothing. Maybe you’ll be a little more distrusting, looking over your shoulders, that sort of thing. But you won’t know why.

Abby: For the record, I hate this.

Richard: Me, too.

Abby: Say something.

Richard: I love you.

Abby: Not that. Men. Could you pick a worst time? Inspire me.

Richard: Inspire you?

Abby: Say something crass. Motivate me. Rile me, and let’s get fighting. But, I warn you, I’m going for the jugular, “all in” with claws and teeth and snarling. This one’s for humanity.

Richard: I slept with your roommate.

Abby: You jerk! I knew she liked you!

Richard: She ambushed me. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

Abby: I thought you were a gentleman.

Richard: Okay, it was more than once, but not a lot more.

Abby: Richard! You’re lucky you didn’t catch something, you stupid, self-centered impulse addict! Why don’t you ever think of the consequences of your actions?

Richard: What about you? You have anything you want to confess?

Abby: Me? Nothing.

Richard: I need motivation, too. I can’t just yell for the sake of it. Okay, we both know I can. But we want to pull out all the stops. We want vomitous vitriol of the highest order.

Abby: I’m not lying just to make you yell at me.

Richard: Well, that really ticks me off! You want to save the planet but you don’t want to tarnish your goody-goody reputation to do it. Talk about high and mighty! We’re never going to put on a convincing show until you come down to my level.

Abby: Why should I, mommy’s boy?

Richard: To save the children, daddy’s little princess.

Abby: They better be worth it, Potbelly Man.

Richard: Now we’re getting somewhere, lifeless lover.

Abby: Oh my God. Just hit me and end it.

Richard: It’s not up to me, you sexual introvert.

Abby: Enough. I can’t go on! Just hit me!

Richard: Not yet! You haven’t earned it! It’s got to look real!

Abby: It’s too real already! Make it stop. Get me away from here!

Richard: That’s it, Abby! That’s giving them their money’s worth!

Abby: I’d rather have them probing me. There’s got be some part of me they haven’t violated. Take me home! Please take me home! I want to forget! I want to forget!