There Goes the Neighborhood
by James Rumpel
What had happened last night had to be talked about. Carol was sure of that much. But how? She ran her finger along the rim of her cup as she stared at Mike. Should she tell him what she had seen? Had he seen it, too? If she didn’t mention it, would he become suspicious? She couldn’t have that. She took a sip of her chai tea, still waiting for him to say something. Surely, he would say something if he had noticed.
Finally, Mike cleared his throat and announced, “I’m pretty sure our neighbor is an alien.”
Carol stared at her husband; her mouth wide open. “Are you talking about that white light and weird noise from last night?”
“You saw it, too. It was weird. I thought there was a fire or a bomb or something.”
“Me, too,” replied Carol, “but it stopped right after I got to the window.”
“It looked like some sort of beam going up into the sky from the Conners’ backyard.”
Carol smiled and shrugged her shoulders. “It was probably nothing. Maybe Ward was testing some kind of floodlight or something.”
“It was too bright for that. It was unnatural.” Mike looked around the room as if checking to see if anyone was listening. He whispered. “I think Ward and June were contacting the mothership.”
“That’s just crazy. There are millions of better explanations than that.”
“I don’t know,” said Mike. “Think about it. We hardly ever see them. They aren’t very social.”
“Just because they don’t like us doesn’t make them aliens,” replied Carol.
“Maybe I should sneak over there and investigate,” suggested Mike. “I bet I find all sorts of alien machines and stuff in his garage. Remember how he wouldn’t let me borrow his mower. I bet he’s hiding stuff in there.”
“Or he remembered that you broke his snowblower.” Carol got up, grabbed the cups from the table, and headed to the sink. “Seriously, Mike, I think you should just let it go. It was probably nothing. You don’t want there to be even harder feelings between them and us.”
Mike sighed. “Yeah, you’re probably right. It was strange, though.”
“You go take your shower. I’ll clean up the dishes.” Carol gave Mike a quick peck on the cheek and turned back to the sink. Her mind was already formulating a plan.
* * *
Carol peeked at the neighbor’s house through the living room blinds. Ward Conner had already left for work, and June usually went for a long jog every morning. Carol was certain there was an Interstellar Broadcasting Unit over there somewhere. She had to find out why it had been used the previous night and why at such an easily detected power level. If her hunch was correct, she was not the only alien living on this street.
Carol grabbed some tools from the secret compartment behind the microwave and headed next door.
The gate to the backyard was latched from the inside. Carol took out a small magnetic transfer unit and was about to use it to slide the latch when she heard something heavy being dropped on the other side of the fence.
“Dammit,” said a deep, gravelly voice.
Carol drew her laser blaster and kicked the gate in. Gun raised, she ran into the Conner’s backyard.
To her surprise, she saw the neighbor’s dog, a scruffy-looking black Lab, awkwardly trying to pick up the pieces of an Interstellar Broadcasting Unit.
The dog froze at the sight of June. Then it spoke in perfect English: “Hold on, I can explain.”
Carol just stood, blaster raised.
“I know it’s hard to believe,” continued the Lab, “but I am an extraterrestrial from the planet Capinix. I was sent here to observe Earth, nothing more. Don’t be frightened. I won’t hurt you.”
Carol broke into uncontrollable laughter, unable to stop long enough to speak. Soon, she gave up trying to talk and held up her hand. She reached behind her head, grabbed the base of her neck, and pulled upward. Her mask came off, revealing a blue head with large, circular eyes and a thin, lipless mouth.
“I’m from Veglaba 4,” she said. “I’ve been here for the last five years doing research for my Terrestrial Studies Degree. You used the IBU last night?”
“The darn thing had a power surge. I was going to try and fix it this morning while the family was out. I’ll tell you something: this canine disguise seemed like a good idea at first, but it sure stinks when I have to do repairs. Do you think you could help me?”
“Okay, we both have to make sure our covers aren’t blown. My terrestrial husband almost came over here. I was lucky to be able to convince him not to.” Carol bent over to help pick up the communication device.
“Oh my God!” cried a voice from near the gate.
The dog and Carol turned in unison to see June staring at them. Without saying another word, the woman dashed through the backdoor and into her house.
“We’re in trouble now,” said the dog.
“I should have never taken off that stupid mask,” Carol said, and she fumbled to replace it.
“What are we going to do?” asked the dog.
“I’ll tell you what we are going to do,” June said, emerging from the house, a glowing orb in one hand and a laser sword in the other. “We’re going to sit here and wait for a response from my superiors.”
“What? You, too?” asked Carol, her face awkwardly off-center. She continued to try to straighten it as she spoke.
“Yes, Ward and I are from Tomozial. We’re doing a preliminary analysis of Earth for our First Contact Team.”
“So, I’ve spent all this time observing non-terrestrials,” said the dog.
“Muffy? You’re not from Earth either?”
“No, I’m from Capinix and now that that’s out of the bag, could we talk about that name you’ve chosen for me? It’s sort of demeaning.”
“Well, I’m sorry, but we didn’t know,” began June, only to be interrupted by a crackling sound and a series of pulses emanating from her orb. She focused her gaze on the light. “Okay, my superiors say that we should do our best to cover this up. Ward and I will have to move to a different neighborhood where we can study actual Earthlings. Sorry, Muffy, we are going to have to drop you off at an animal shelter. As for you, June, they say you can just stay undercover as long as no one else finds out about this.”
“Too late.”
The three aliens turned to find Mike standing by the gate.
Carol quickly flattened some loose skin down around her neck. “Mike, what are you doing here?”
“Don’t worry about your disguise, Carol. I saw and heard everything. Once I was sure you thought my idea about the neighbors being aliens was crazy, I reported to one of my planet’s communication centers and asked what I should do. They ordered me to investigate. I’ve been watching you from our house for the last ten minutes or so.” He held up a pair of x-ray binoculars and a parabolic listening device.
“So, five years of research of Earthling relationships is wasted,” said Carol, dejectedly.
“It’s the same for me,” answered Mike.
“Now what do we do?” asked Muffy
“Maybe we better go inside,” suggested June.
The quartet moved into the house. Before entering, Mike took a quick glance around the yard. He failed to notice that the squirrel sitting on the back fence had camara lenses instead of eyes.
* * *
Doctor Eugene Nugent watched the aliens walk into the Conner house. He turned off the monitor. “Well, I guess that’s the end of that,” he said to his associate, Doctor Helen Mortenson. “It’s going to be a long time before we find another grouping of aliens like them to observe.”
“True, but we’ve had a couple of good years and gathered a lot of info. With the data we’ve collected, it shouldn’t be difficult to find other observers to watch.”
“Won’t those planets be shocked when they finally decide to make first contact, and we tell them that we’ve known about them all along?”
“Yeah, they’ll be surprised,” said Mortenson, laughing nervously. She smoothed a little of the skin around her neck.
Copyright © 2021 by James Rumpel
